Parishna

I have no one

2012-01-26T06:32:00.000-11:00

I have no one,
I’m so weak.
Sometimes it’s so hard to cry,
Other times, it’s so hard to speak.

I have no comfort,
Even when I sleep.
Only nightmares,
That leave me strangled with grief.

I have nothing to reach out to,
I have no hand to hold.
My hand is so very empty,
And it is oh, so cold.

I have no one,
Yet I am still so tough.
I keep wishing for something more,
Not realising I have enough.

I have family, I have friends,
I have so many people who care.
And I have people who’ve said,
That for me, they’ll always be there.

But the most important things I have,
Are things I didn’t notice at all.
Its something that kept me going,
Something that never let me fall.

It’s my strength and my courage,
And my ability to never give up.
No matter how bad the situation is,
I go on, even if the road is tough.

I thought I had no one,
Sometimes, I know you think that too.
But you have strength, courage and so much more,
It’s all inside of you.

A single tear.

2011-05-20T22:19:00.000-11:00

A single tear.

A single tear is all you've shed,
When you announced that our love was dead.
You didn't show any other emotion,
When I cried like a never-ending ocean.

As I wept, you walked away,
Turning deaf ears at my pleas to stay.
I was so lost in my tears, I didn't see,
The path you took when you walked away from me.

And the pain that I suffered, is something I can't put in to words,
All I can say is that it still really hurts.
It hurts so badly, I want it to end,
I've lost everything: my love, and my best friend.

I don't know how to end this pain,
I just know that I don't want to go through this again.
I don't want any more tears on my face,
I just want all the pain and suffering to be erased.

There’s no point in living this life,
And so, it is better that I use a knife.
To cut away my pain and sorrow,
All misery and sadness will be gone from my face tomorrow.

I will finally be carefree,
No physical pain or emotions to bother me.
They’ll be no pain edged across my face,
There will only be a smile in its place.

But I must end this note now, and fast,
I feel death's arms pulling me through, at last.
Don't worry about me, please. Don’t cry,
It is just better for me to die.

Thank you, Baba

2011-04-24T10:02:00.000-11:00

Dear readers.
I’m writing here after a long time but today something has happend that will change my life for ever.
After going to bed at an insane hour I was woken up with to the devastating news that sri sathya Sai baba has passed away.
For those of you who doesn’t know who Sai Baba is, go here:

This i feel is something I want to write, something I need to write in fact. Baba has done so much for me, today and the days to come is going to be difficult for so many who love him.
In 2003, I was going through a very difficult period in my life. I was despret, I was in boarding school and everything was falling down around me. My personal life, my studies, my frustration with being blind, being dependent on everybody and being so far away from home. However, I didn’t want to be at home either. I didn’t know where I wanted to be, or what I wanted to do. My eating habbits changed. Even though my parents sent me food and money, I still wasn’t eating well. I was extremely frustrated at everything and everyone! And the few close friends I did have, tried to help me with my problems but there was not much anyone could do. Until one Thursday night a teacher who stayed near our boarding school came and asked me if I wanted to attend Sai service with her. I thought this very strange, because I didn’t know who sai baba was, or anything about him for that matter. Neither did my family know much about him, they are not Sai devotees.
Needless to say, I didn’t want to go with her, I mean I was frustrated enough, why would I want to go for any service? But God bless her! She never gave up, kept asking if I wanted to go with her every Thursday, and one particular Thursday evening I said, ‘right, what have I got to lose!’ and I went with her.
It turned out to be a lifechanging evening for me, the minute I entered the sai centre for service, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders, its like someone tapped me on the shoulder and said ‘hey, I’m here. You no longer have to be alone’ and from that day on, I was never alone.
Baba changed my life in ways I cannot tell you. I became happier, and though my personal problems did not get solved instantly, Baba gave me strength to work around my troubles, and he was always there for me. I kept going to Sai service every Thursday, and also attended the study circle, where I learnt a lot more about Baba. That was just the beginning of the change. A few weeks later, Braille books about baba were coming to school for me with out me ordering them! Let me explain, in our school library, we have Braille books that we read, how ever there’s another really big library that send us books that we would like to read. So when I filled out my book form for which books I’d like, I specifically asked for fiction, and romance. And what did I start getting? Sai baba quotations. It was amazing. I took the books and read them, and that was only one of the miricles baba sent me.

In 2004, things were getting a lot easier for me, it was my final year in school, I was looking forward to getting out of boarding school (I miss it now). And that wonderful teacher still took us for Sai service every week. My personal problems were still there, but I was managing them pretty easily now. As soon as I became a sai devotee, my family were a bit confused but they didn’t say much about it. My grandfather bought me a picture of Baba which I took to school with me, and kept it above my bed. I made lots of friends, and lets just say, baba always had a way of sending me vibhudi (holy ash).

In 2005, things just got more challenging. I left bording school, having passed with exemption (thank you, baba) because he had helped me with that, no end. I wouldn’t have done it with out him. And I am telling the truth. I didn’t fair too well in trials, So that’s another miracle for me. Anyway, 2005 was totally different. I left boarding school and came back home to go to university. It was scary, having to learn how to walk around such a huge campus, hardly knowing anyone, and knowing that you have to make it from building to building mostly on your own. This is where baba helped me no end! Aside from friends who were willing to help me go to some lectures, when ever I’d walk with my cane, and somehow get lost, I’d always say ‘baba, walk with me, please. I know you will guide me to the right place.’ And he did. He has not let me down, not once. Even if it would mean me finding the place by myself somehow, or someone coming to help me from out of the blue, I know it was baba’s doing because it would always happen after I ask him to guide me.

To cut a long story short (I have lots more to write but no space) I have had to deal with lots more things, losing both my grandparents, watching my other two grandparents get sick. It was not easy in the least, but I always had baba with me. I always felt his presence and though I never went to sai service as often as i would have liked, I never stopped singing to him or praying to him. I never had many people to go to service with after I left school and came back to Durban, and baba knows that, but I know that he appreciated my prayers and my songs, all the same. Today he is no longer with us physically. I feel so sad, so empty as if a part of me is gone forever, and I know all devotee’s feel the same. On the other hand I feel a sort of strength to overcome the sorrow, because I know, somehow that baba is not really gone. He has just left his physical body. He is still here, and will always be here, with us and for us. Its just that when I do go to prashanthi Nilayam I just won’t get the opportunity to meet him, but I will still go, and I know he will be there in spirit, when I do go. There’s many more that I want to write, but he already knows it all, what he has done for me and how thankful I am to him. Even now, at a very difficult time in my life I know I have to forgive those who have done wrong, I have to ask for forgiveness, and most of all,
‘love all serve all. Help ever, hurt never’

Oh and about my blindness? I no longer question it, I no longer feel sad, I no longer miss my sight! Baba has shown me that there’s nothing wrong with me, I may not be able to see with my eyes, but I can see with my heart, for sure. And that for me is the most important thing. So now days, instead of asking God why he took my eyes away, I now ask him to help and bless everyone out there who love him and need him, and I am so thankful for everything that I have, that I don’t really miss things that I never had.
Thank you, Baba, you may have left us physically but you live on in our hearts, forever.

A very big Hello and a happy new year!

2011-01-07T00:06:00.000-11:00

Hello and happy new year to everybody!

I’m sorry for being so late, but I have gotten so lazy to write more than 140 characters because of a website called
twitter
That I forgot about this blog for the time being, of course, that doesn’t ever last long, I could never stop writing in my beloved blog!
I haven’t had much time, or inspiration for that matter to do any new poetry, people are breaking up all over the place! Aside from me, of course, which is great.
So, the New Year has been good for me, and I see a lot of challenges ahead of me in 2011. The good part about it all is, I still have both my loving grandparents with me, and thank God they are not in hospital at the moment. So that in itself was a great start to the year.

On Monday I am leaving on a cruise on a ship called the MSC Sinfonia! If you want to know more about it, I guess you can
google
It, but it’s a huge cruise liner which I’ve been on before, but because I got my degree I’m going on it again, just for a celebration! I leave in 3 days time, on Monday the 10th of January for those of you who are seeing this post a bit late.
I will be sure to take out lots of pics and post them here, and add a description for all the ‘blindies’ out there, of course.
I’ve never posted on this blog about my love for sport, I can’t seem to find a reason why, but I suppose you will all hear the ramblings of a blindy like me who watches cricket and tennis! Of course, India is touring South Africa at the moment, and the test series between the two countries has been drawn 1-1.
Which is great for me, because in the third and final test, the Proteas were staring down at defeat on 130/6 and it looked like India will take the series 2-1! But that didn’t happen, and I for one am quite content with the draw.
On Sunday there’s an only t20 match between the two teams, which I am going for, there’s apparently going to be a bollywood concert after the match! It’s going to be one of the most amazing matches ever, because it’s being held at the soccer stadium in Durban, which is the Moses Mabhida stadium. The match is going to be in honour of the great Sachin Tendulka and South Africa’s own Makhaya Ntini. It’s actually known as a historic t20 match, because it is also held to celebrate the 150th anniversary of the arrival of Indians to South Africa. I am absolutely proud to be there, as I have done some research and found out exactly which of my great grandparents came to South Africa all those years ago, and the suffering that they did endure. It took me a long time to find this, but I am working on writing it all down and I will surely put it in this blog!
According to the newspapers, Bollywood heavyweights, Shahrukh Khan, Anil Kapoor, Shahid Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra, will lead a star-studded line-up that will perform in the New Age Friendship Celebration Concert, which brings together leading entertainment stars from South Africa and India.

After the match and concert, I have to come home, and pack and then we set sail on Monday! I hope to blog as soon as I get back!

Peace and love!

A Christmas Story - Guide Dog version

2010-12-09T10:00:00.000-11:00

A close friend Gary emailed this to me, and Its so beautiful that I had to share it with everyone!

Night Before Christmas - Guide Dog Version

'Twas the night before Christmas and the kennels were still, with most dogs
now
asleep having eaten their fill.

The Labradors sprawled out, quite snug in their beds, while visions of
ANYTHING
edible danced in their heads.

The Goldens and Shepherds curled up on the floor, some twitched in their
sleep
and some even did snore.

The dog food was stacked in the feed room with care, in hopes that a trainer
soon would be there.

On the window ledge, one of the kennel cats lay, surveying the lawn at the
end
of this day.

Something was different, that little cat knew. Tonight something would
happen,
it had to be true.

For that day as the workers had left to go home, they'd wished Merry
Christmas
before starting to roam.

The dogs had noticed it too during this past week's walks, the trainers
seemed
just that much happier and eager to talk.

In the mall where they worked through the maze of people and stores, there
were
decorations and music and distractions galore!

Most dogs pranced along without worry or fear, but some balked at the
man on
the
sleigh and those fake looking deer.

The cat was almost asleep too when he first heard the sound, a whoosh
through
the air and a jingle around.

It reminded him of a dog's collar when the animal shook, but this sound
kept
on
growing. He'd better go look.

From the ceiling there came a faint sort of thunk, as the kennel cat
climbed
to
the highest pile of junk.

Once before people had worked on the roof, and come down through the trap
door
to a chorus of "Woooof!"

But the dogs still were quiet, all sleeping so sound, as this man
dressed in
red
made his way right on down.

He patted the cat as he climbed past his spot, then made his way right to
the
trainers' coffee pot.

A shepherd sat up, not fully awake, then a Golden followed her with a mighty
loud shake.

That did it! All the dogs sprang to life with loud noise.

In spite of the din, the old man kept his poise.

He filled the pot full and it started to brew, then he pulled up a chair and
took in the view.

Dogs all around him, so carefully bred, he knew well their jobs, the blind
people they led.

Some had stopped barking and looked at him now, while others delighted in
their
own deafening howl.

Laying a finger in front of his lips, the jolly old man silenced the
excitable
yips.

"You all may not know me, but I'm Santa Claus," the old man smiled and took
a
short pause, while he filled up his mug with hot liquid and cream,

"I've always wanted to stop here. It's been one of my dreams."

The cat had climbed down and was exploring Santa's sack. "Yes, little kitty,
that's an empty pack"

Santa smiled as he drank and looked at those eyes, deep brown ones and gold
ones
held wide in surprise.

Some of these dogs, he'd seen just last year, in their puppy homes, cute and
full of holiday cheer.

He'd seen the effects of a pup on the tree, but now they were here at the
school, just waiting to be.

"I didn't bring you presents or bones just to chew. I'll tell you something
better, what you are going to do.

You all will work hard and the trainers will share, both praise and
correction,
gentle and fair.

You'll go lots of places and face big scary things. You'll ride buses and
subways and hear fire sirens ring.

Cars will drive at you but you will stand strong, not moving into danger,
not
moving toward wrong.

And then just when you think that this trainer's the best, the kindest, and
funnest person, toss away all the rest,

that trainer will begin to ignore you and give you away, handing your leash
over
despite your dismay.

Now the person who pets you and feeds you will be a blind person. That's a
person who can't see. This man or this woman may see just a tad, but their
view's missing parts or the focus is bad.

So you, well trained dogs, will act as their eyes. You will work as a team
and
discover the size

of this great world we live in, because you will go a million new places
with
this person, you know."

Santa sipped at his coffee and looked over the brood, knowing what he
had to
say
next might sound kind of rude.

"Not all of you will make it and become canine guides. Your time here isn't
wasted though. You won't be cast aside.

Some of you will be drug dogs and some will find bombs. Some will become
pets in
a home with a dad and a mom.

All these things are important. People wait on long lists, to receive such
good
dogs as you, the school folks insist."

The last drop of coffee had gone into his cup as Santa turned, smiling at
each
wide eyed pup.

"The best gift of all is to give something back. That's why there's nothing
for
you all inside of my pack."

Draining his mug, Santa went to each pen, and petted and scratched each dog
again and again.

"Now next year and many more years after that, you all will give gifts
wherever
you're at.

You might lick a hand that's had a bad day, or notice a car and step out of
the
way.

You might help catch a crook or discover some loot, or just bring some joy
to a
tired old man in a funny red suit.

Your master will love you and treat you with care. In return, your training
and
trust will always be there."

After the last dog had been petted and soothed, Santa put away the coffee
pot
and made ready to move.

Up the ladder he rose to the door high above, with a smile and a wave as he
slipped on his gloves.

And all the dog ears were pricked as he disappeared out of sight.

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!"

(Author Unknown).

I promise...

2010-11-28T12:48:00.000-11:00

I promise to never hate,
To tell people I love them before it’s too late,
I promise to understand,
And to always offer a helping hand,

I promise not to judge at all,
To catch my friends when they fall,
I promise to be true,
And to have good intentions in everything I do,

I promise not to lie,
Or give anyone the 'evil eye',
I promise to leave jealousy alone,
And be happy for people's success as if it were my own,

I promise to be brave and strong,
And not to give up when things go wrong,
I promise I will pray,
And thank God for everything every day,

I promise to do all the above,
And to do it all with love,...

'love' and 'trust'

2010-11-17T10:43:00.000-11:00

I don't know how to explain,
I don't want to go down this road again.
I don't know how to make you see,
Just how much you mean to me.

I'm trying to do the best I can,
To show you that you're the only man.
The only man I'll ever love,
You're a blessing to me, from the lord above.

But Somehow you're never sure,
You're always so insecure.
You're always questioning my love for you,
And I don't know what to do.

You're always putting me to the test,
Even when I'm trying to do my best.
I don't know if our love will last,
Because your trust in our love is a thing of the past.

I know you've been hurt before,
I don't want you to hurt anymore.
But you need to trust me the way I trust you,
This isn't your past relationship, its something new.

And its something, that I want to last a lifetime,
I want to be yours and want you to be mine.
So let go of your fears, and trust me like I trust you,
If we have love and trust on our side, then there's nothing we can't do.

lets play

2010-11-10T08:25:00.000-11:00

I loved you once, long ago,
You were playing with my emotions, I didn't know.
I would have done anything for you, anything at all,
if you needed me, you just had to call.

I'm still with you, things are still the same,
But what you don't know is, I've figured out your game.
I know how you play and I know what you do,
I know how to play your own game, better than you.

I know your love for me was never real,
You just signed me up like a business deal.
You knew the way I felt about you,
You knew I would do anything if you asked me to.

So you cheated, and lied,
You didn't care when I cried.
You didn't care about me in any way,
You never gave me the time of day.

Yet you still expected me to stay,
You didn't think I'd find another way.
You didn't think I could make it on my own,
Unlike you, I'm not afraid of being alone.

However, I've decided to stay,
I know the game, and I want to play.
I know what to do, and I know when to do it,
Lets play this game, and Lets see who wins it.

I wish for...

2010-10-12T01:16:00.000-11:00

I just want to say to the person who told me to write this one, thanks for the challenge. I loved it, and yeah, its non-fiction this time, but not for anyone in particular.
Anyway I tried to put something about food in this poem, but it didn't fit!lol Enjoy.

and so he asked me, 'what do you wish for, right now?'
I wanted to answer him, but I didn't know how.
So I looked up at the starlit sky instead,
And made my wish, this is what I said.

I wish for a guy, who's handsome and strong,
Who will stand by me, when things go wrong.
Who will take me in his arms and share my pain,
Who will make it all better, with a kiss in the rain.

I wish for a guy, who is loving and wise,
Who will know that I love him, when he looks in to my eyes.
A guy with lots of manners and respect,
A guy who makes me want to bring out my best.

I wish for a guy, who loves playing with my hair,
Who knows all about my faults, but doesn't care.
I wish for a guy, who would love me for me,
And not change me to be what he wants me to be.

I wish for a guy, who is humble and sweet,
Who everytime we kiss, makes me feel complete.
A guy who watches sports with me with out excuses,
A guy who comforts me, when my favorite team loses.

I wish for a guy, who likes to have fun,
Who makes me dance in the rain and play in the sun.
A guy who calls me sweet nicknames,
And who doesn't mind it if I do the same.

Now looking up at the starlit sky,
I see a shooting star, and wish for my guy.
And I promise, that as soon as I get my guy,
I will love him unconditionally, til the day I die.

Waiting

2010-09-30T09:58:00.000-11:00

This is for someone who knows who they are! :) but its a surprise, so enjoy!

I feel helpless, I don't know what to do,
Though I know, that all I can do is wait for you.
Talking on the telephone is not enough,
I want you here with me, cause I miss you so much.

A love like yours, was difficult to find,
Though we're miles apart, I've made up my mind.
I don't want to let go, and find someone new,
I love you too much, and so I decided to wait for you.

I know each day, our love does grow stronger,
But I don't know if I can wait any longer.
It kills me, that we are spending precious time alone,
If you were closer, we could have had a house, and called it home.

I know its not an easy love we share,
But losing you is something I can't bare.
So I just have to wait for the day,
That you come to me, and say that you're here to stay.

Then We can be together, never alone,
We'll have a house that we can call home.
I'll hold you in my arms, every night,
And wake up next to you, in the morning light.

But for now, all I can do is wait for you,
And even though its difficult, its just something I must do.
I know, we will be together in the end,
Until then I'll be waiting for you, my love, my best friend.

regrets

2010-09-23T23:40:00.000-11:00

You were friends with her,
And so was I.
I really didn't like you at first,
and looked away when you tried to catch my eye.

Then she introduced us,
And we became friends too.
I really started to enjoy,
The time I'd spend with you.

We got on really well,
just like 'a house on fire'.
I never really thought,
That you would become my deepest desire.

As time went on,
And our friendship grew stronger.
I couldn't hide it anymore,
I just couldn't take it any longer.

So I told you how I really feel about you,
And you took it really well.
Whether you felt the same about me or not,
I really couldn't tell.

Until a few days later,
I never thought I'd see.
Us spending less time together,
You were distancing yourself from me.

And now, you are gone,
And all I have is my memory.
I know now that I never should have told you,
I should have never let my heart fly free.

Its been so long,
And I miss you, every day.
I would have never said, 'I love you',
If I had known it would push you away.

Black Robbers (A TRUE STORY)

2010-09-09T09:36:00.000-11:00

Hi Guys!
I decided to check my mail after decades and this is the email I found. Just thought I'd share it here cause trust me, its worth the read!.

For anyone who didn't see the episode of David Letterman's show where this story was told, read this:

(And remember it's a true story...)

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City , a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine.

She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room. 'I'll be
right back and we'll go to eat' she told her husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was very tall and had an intimidating figure.
The woman froze. Her first thought was: 'These two are going to rob me'.

Her next thought was: 'Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen.' But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her.

Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed.

A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased! The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her.
'My God' she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed!

Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore.

Then one of the men said, 'Hit the floor'.

Instinct told her to do what they told her.

The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her.

'Take my money and spare me', she prayed.

More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, 'Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the button'.

The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. The woman lifted her head and looked up
at the two men. They reached down to help her up.

Confused, she struggled to her feet. 'When I told my friend here to hit the floor,' said the average sized one, I meant that he should hit the elevator
button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am.' He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing.

The woman thought: 'My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself'.
She was too humiliated to speak. The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket.

When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she
might not make it down the corridor.

At her door they bid her a good evening..

As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as they walked back to the elevator.

The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room: a dozen roses.

Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred-dollar bill.

The card said: 'Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years.

It was signed: Eddie Murphy & Michael Jordan.

I long to...

2010-09-08T00:11:00.001-11:00

In your arms is where I long to be,
In your eyes, I long to see,
All the love, that you have for me.

I long for you, to hold me tight,
To stay with me, every night,
To tell me, that everything's going to be alright.

I long for you, to leave me never,
To kiss me, and make everything better,
To tell me, that you'll be here forever.

But I just don't know how to say,
That I want you to stay,
And be a part of my life, every single day.

I'm still alive :)

2010-09-04T05:49:00.000-11:00

Hi guys!
This is my official post after months. If you are lucky, you would have been able to see some posts of mine, that's only if you had access to my blog while it was open to invited readers only!. anyway, I'm back because I just wanna be back, and inviting too many people was getting complicated.
So here's the short version, I've been caught up in a very hectic situation. and when I say hectic I don't mean like something small, I mean like serious. I can't begin to tell you how cruel some people can be, how some people can actually say they care about you, yet in the same breath they insult you, in the worst way you could possibly imagine. Anyway, while that was happening to me I forgot about something I promised myself I'd never take for granted.
Isn't it funny how when someone hurts you, you tend to focus on that person? You think about what you have done, and what they have done. You just wonder how someone could be so cruel, and mean!. You just wonder how could people treat you the way they are treating you.

Well, I guess I realized something, people can only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. People will only affect you, if you let them. Yeah its easier said than done, right? Some very wise man wrote,
'you can't choose the people around you, but you can choose the people you want to be around'
Go back and read that line, and think about it. If you have someone in your life who doesn't treat you fairly, or respect you. You need to ask yourself if that person's doing anything good for you? I think the answer to that one is 'no!' and when you're ready to realize that you could do with out people who really don't make a positive difference in your life, you can then start to let go.
I don't mean litterally let go, cause a particular person who doesn't treat you well could be closer than you think, and in some cases maybe its hard to avoid them, but what you can do is don't let their nastiness affect you. After all, its not like they are making a positive contribution to your life, so it shouldn't really matter if they are trying to bring you down. If you are a person who hasn't done anything to deserve that kind of treatment then you have nothing to worry about when people treat you that way.
Remember 'those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind'

Okay that's my bit :) I should just stick to poetry, but just writing here what I should have remembered a lot lately.
Cheers guys!

an experience

2010-07-24T09:28:00.000-11:00

Today I did something I have done before on my birthday and when ever I can. I went to the children’s home to spend time with them and bought some stuff. Every time I go to a different home I always get very emotional, and this time was no different. However, today I experienced something I have never ever experienced before. I went to the Sheshiya homes in Chatsworth Durban. It’s a home for children who are severely handicapped. I was going to leave the stuff that I brought, spend some time with the children, and then leave. But when I got there………

We were thanked very much by the volunteers who dedicate their lives to looking after these children. As we went in to see the children, it was very heart sore. The severity of their conditions are shocking. Children with twisted arms, twisted legs and children who couldn’t speak or move were there. Most of them could not talk, but the things some of them told me was: “Thanks for coming to see us; we hardly get people coming to see us.” And “I am so happy you came to see me” and “Hello, thank you.” I then realized that I need to be here, to spend more time with the children. As I went to see all of them, I felt their bodies. Most of them were strapped to wheelchairs, or chairs, or even cots. It was the saddest thing ever, and although I’ve experienced this before, nothing prepared me for all the emotions. I can’t imagine what they all go through on a day to day basis. So, we decided to stay for a bit longer, and we put on some music. Some children who could walk, came to dance with us for Waka Waka! It was absolutely great fun. We made everyone join in, even holding some of the children who were in their wheelchairs. It was awesome. So then, I went down to see some of the babies, and that, is when I met her…

She was a little girl sleeping in her cot when I got there. She is seven years old, and she has been in the home because her mom left her there. Through out the years she started to lose her sight, and when I met her today they told me that she is blind. I hugged her and kissed her, and I told her my name, and she said, “Hello, Parishna.” It melted my heart. I do have a soft spot for every single child, and I realized that I don’t need to go to a home to give things for the children, I can just go there to give them my time, and I now know that they would appreciate it more than anything. But when this little girl said my name, it was like the most heart sore thing I have ever experienced. She put out her hands to touch me, and to feel my face. She told me not to go away and that she likes me. She asked me to be her best friend. I cannot write down what I feel in my heart right now, it’s just too sore, too painful. She told me she’s tired, she wants her mom to visit her and she wants to sleep. Then she didn’t want me to go, and I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay there with her, and with all the children who were around us. I told her to sleep and that I would come back, I promised her that I would be back later. She didn’t believe me, and I can understand why. So many people promise to come back. So many people promise so many things and they don’t keep to their promises. These are children who have been disappointed so many times. I kissed her and she said “You’re my best friend Parishna.”

I said goodbye to all the children, I left the home and I was just so heart sore. I had another home to go to, an old age home. First I had other things to do though, but before going to the old age home I kept to my promise. I went to a nearby shop and bought chocolate, and we went back to the children’s home. By the time we got there, the gates were closed, and my heart sank. However, they let us in, and some of the children were waiting, hoping we’d be back as we said!. We were all so happy then. I went to her room, and I said “guess who!” everyone who was with me told me that the little girl’s face lit up when she heard our voices, and she couldn’t believe I came back. We were both so happy. I can’t explain the connection I have with her, I love all the children there but I have this connection with her! I am sure of it. I stayed with all the children for a bit and we gave out the chocolates. And when it was time for me to go she came down from her cot and hugged me and said, “Thank you Parishna my best friend.”

We said goodbye to everyone and they gave us thank you letters and cards. That was sweet. After that, I could not go to the other home. We did go and leave all the stuff, but, I didn’t go in. I do feel bad, but I was too emotional and too ashamed. I realized that the most valuable thing I could give is my love and kindness. Not material things, sure they are needed, but when you give out love and kindness, it brings joy to both you and the recipient of that kindness. I didn’t do this description justice, and there’s so much I didn’t write, but I can’t. Next time I go there (And I will because I promised) I will write more. Right now, I am going to do more. I don’t have much money, but I do have a lot of love, kindness, and time. I’m sure you do too, so where ever you are, why don’t we all do this? It will make the world, a better place.

I am blessed

2010-07-19T10:18:00.000-11:00

When you hold me in your arms,
I feel that I am home.
I will never be afraid again,
I will never be alone.

I love it when you write me little poems,
And give them to me as a surprise.
Your words are so beautiful,
They bring tears to my eyes.

And you kiss my tears away,
When ever I am sad.
You tell me that you’ll be here,
Through the good times and bad.

When you tell me that you love me,
Sometimes I can’t reply.
I don’t know how I got so lucky,
You’re such an amazing wonderful guy.

And with every passing day,
And every little thing you do.
Just makes me realize,
How blessed I am to have you.

The Liar.

2010-07-11T03:45:00.000-11:00

He is the guy who sends shivers up your spine,
And makes you feel special, time after time.
He’s the guy who promises you the moon,
And you fall in love with him, much too soon.

He has such honest eyes,
But he’s the guy who lies.
The guy who asks for your all,
He takes what he can get, and lets you fall.

And yet, within me, there’s a fire,
For this guy, this guy the liar.
His words, his actions leave me wanting more,
I have certainly never felt like this before.

He brings about so much pain,
My tears fall like the pouring rain.
And yet, I have so much desire,
For this guy, this guy the liar.

It seems He cast a spell on me, with his honest eyes,
And now I am spinning, in a web of lies.
There’s no way out for me, there’s nowhere to go,
I have to endure the pain, this I know.

You may think I’m stupid, or think I’m mad,
But you don’t know him; he’s evil, and bad.
Once he finds you, you can’t run,
He takes advantage, and uses you for fun.

I should have known, not to play with fire,
I should have known, to stay away from the liar.
But I didn’t know better, and now it’s too late,
There’s nothing I can do, I just have to accept my fate.

the perfect one for me.

2010-07-02T13:02:00.000-11:00

I don’t want mister perfect; I don’t want mister right,
I don’t want mister intelligent, I don’t want mister bright.
I don’t want mister good looking; I don’t want him at all,
It doesn’t even matter if he’s dark, handsome and tall.

I only want you, just the way you are,
You’re perfect to me, the perfect man by far.
I love the way you smile at me, I love the way you laugh,
I love everything about you, and I’m glad you’re my other half.

I often think about us, but I seldom let you know,
How much you mean to me, and how I love you so.
I often think about, how you made me see,
That even though I’m still not perfect, you still love me.

I only wish, that you could see yourself through my eyes,
And boy if you could, you would get such a surprise.
You complain about your faults, say you’re not all that kind,
But I think you have a beautiful heart, and a brilliant mind.

I guess in this lifetime, I will never get you to see,
That although you’re not perfect, you’re the perfect one for me.

The hardest thing to say.

2010-07-02T11:10:00.000-11:00

Listen to me carefully,
I have something to say.
I’m sorry it’s so sudden,
But I have to say this today.

You know I love you dearly,
I know you love me too.
But I think its time I should,
Say goodbye to you.

Please listen, don’t say a word,
I know it seems unfair,
I know I seem heartless,
And it seems like I don’t care.

You’re the best thing in my world,
You’re everything I live for.
But please understand when I say,
I can’t do this anymore.

You break so many promises,
You hurt me so bad.
Yet you fail to see the tears,
And you’re never around when I’m sad.

Baby I’m not pointing fingers,
I have my faults too.
But I really tried my best,
To always be there for you.

I can’t take the pain,
Can’t take it anymore.
Something has changed,
We are not the way we were before.

That’s why I have to say good bye,
That’s why I have to go.
You’re everything in the world to me,
But you don’t feel the same, this much I know.

Take care of yourself my darling,
Live a happy life my love.
One day we will meet again,
In heaven up above.

My eyes can't see him.

2010-06-22T10:55:00.000-11:00

I wonder what he would do,
If I said the words, ‘I love you.’
Would he smile, would he turn away?
My eyes can’t see him, so what would he say?

And what if, he doesn’t say a thing?
When I stand in front of him, and start to sing?
What if, he doesn’t want to speak?
What if he leaves me standing there, trembling and weak?

How will I see, the expression on his face?
How will I know, if he’s still standing in the same place?
I am blind, but I want to see,
I want to know, if he really loves me.

But even if I could see, would I really see?
Would I really know, if he really does love me?
I still won’t be able to look in to his heart,
And I think, that’s where love is supposed to start.

Eternal rest

2010-06-03T02:13:00.000-11:00

I can’t survive another day,
I want to make this pain go away.
Its killing me, I can’t sleep,
All I want to do is weep.

I can’t believe, I love you so much,
You make me forget the pain, with just one touch.
But when you’re gone, the pain returns,
It makes my heart bleed and my eyes burn.

I know you’re with her, and it kills me,
That you can actually kiss her so passionately.
It breaks my heart a little more,
When you do it with her behind that closed door.

I know about it but I still love you,
Somebody please, please tell me what to do.
I just feel empty inside,
It’s something I can no longer hide.

I tried to live with it, I did my best,
Only death can give me internal rest.
Only death can set me free,
From the terrible pain you are causing me.

This time its different.

2010-05-15T11:24:00.000-11:00

It’s so easy to share anything with you,
I am free; I can do what ever I want to do.
It feels so different, I am almost sure,
That I have never, ever felt this way before.

It feels so special, when you smile at me,
I want to be yours, forever, eternally.
It feels so wonderful, when you hold my hand,
This feeling, is one that I can’t understand.

I’ve been in love before, but never like this,
You make me fly, with just one kiss.
You make my heart sing, with your beautiful words,
You take my pain away, when ever it hurts.

This time it’s different, this time I know,
This time I’m not afraid to say that I love you so.
This time it’s different, this time I see,
That I am meant for you, and you are meant for me.

He Picked Me

2010-04-30T01:00:00.000-11:00

There I was, walking alone,
I was away from the crowd, on my way home.
He was standing in front of me, blocking my way,
And I was lost, from that very day.

Like an angel, he picked me up,
And loved me with his words, from dawn till dusk.
And I let him, I didn’t care,
I couldn’t move, all I did was stare.

Then he touched me, and I knew,
That there was nothing I could do.
I parted my lips, for the promise of his kiss,
He didn’t disappoint me, I can tell you this.

He took me to heaven, he made me fly,
Lying in his arms, I had a tear in my eye.
Then we spoke, I laughed, he smiled,
I felt so care free, as care free as a child.

It was late at night when he walked me home,
And from then, I knew I would never be alone.
I don’t know much about him, I must admit,
But with him, I don’t regret anything I did.

A new beginning

2010-04-19T12:24:00.000-11:00

Hey guys. Just to let you know that I’ve been following the IPL (Indian premier league) that’s why I haven’t been blogging much. And all the poetry I’ve been trying to right is now in the recycle bin! So let me start one from scratch, shall I? I found another love letter in that jewel box, but I’m too lazy to type it out now. I’d rather use my brain to think of a poem. Ok, so this poem (A new beginning) is dedicated to my friend. I’m not going to mention any names, but I think she’ll know it’s for her (if she reads it.)

You hide your pain well,
Only I can tell,
That you’re hurting inside,

I know how much you cry,
Over that selfish guy,
Every day and night.

And I know you love him so much,
You miss his voice, his love, his touch,
You’re in so much of pain,

But believe me when I say,
The pain will go away someday,
And you’ll be able to love again.

You’ll find someone new,
Someone who loves you for you,
You’ll find your soul mate,

Someone who makes you smile,
It’ll just take a little while,
And you’ll have that perfect date.

As for the one who made you cry,
I’m sorry that I,
Have to say something like this,

But he threw your love away,
And because he hurt you on that day,
He will never receive a faithful kiss.

Lost Love Letters?

2010-04-03T11:10:00.000-11:00

Hi everyone! I know, I come blogging here once in a while. I’m not going to make any excuses for that. I’ve been having an okay year so far. Well, it has more bad stuff than good. Hopefully that’s going to change soon. My grandfather is at home now, but he’s still not good. It’s another thing I have to live with every day. There are a lot of complications too. I haven’t been posting any poetry, simply because I have no inspiration to write any. I am not the jovial person I use to be. Now, I’m doing my honours and its keeping me a bit to busy. Shamefully, the last time I’ve seen any of my friends was last year, or earlier this year, I can’t remember, which is saying something. I’ve lost contact with many of you, and for that I apologize, how ever; circumstances have made it impossible or, almost impossible for me to keep some friendships. That doesn’t at all mean that I don’t enquire about you all, I really do!

Okay, enough of that now, I was thinking of what made me start writing so-called ‘poetry’. I was never poetic, or so I thought. I was cleaning my room, a few weeks ago and I found a big jewel box. It was filled with papers, letters I use to write when I was at school. Letters I wrote in Braille to someone knowing that I would never give them to that person, and only my best friend Pratica will know the content of these letters.

This was way before I started writing poetry, and perhaps I can share some of these letters with you all, because I can’t write any more poetry. I’ll just pick a random one for now and start typing it out here. Some of the things I’ve written surprised me, perhaps this is where my poetry started. Only, these letters don’t exactly look like poems. So here is one, its very funny reading it now, and I can’t help laughing out loud. I can’t believe I kept these, I mean having a computer and all! So here goes… (You guys can laugh, I never gave these letters). The comments in brackets are comments made by me now, and are not included in the original letter.

‘Dear [name]
What’s up! It has been a long time since I wrote to you so I took the time to write you a letter (why didn’t I write directly to the guy? Lol, I don’t know!)

I know on Monday we didn’t have much time to talk, because I was very busy and I am sorry for getting angry with you for nothing. (Yes, I do get angry for nothing! Actually some people think it’s nothing I do think its something! Anyway.)
I hope you will understand that I was in a bad mood. I hope that we get much time to spend with each other this weekend. I love you [name] I wonder what inspired God to create a guy like you. (I’m still wondering! God!) My love for you has sunk in my heart, like the titanic in the heart of the ocean. (Okay, I’m confused, here, am I saying that I love the guy deeply? Or that my love for him has drowned? I think it’s the first one.)

Lotsa love,
Parish’.

Well…that was not so bad! I can’t believe I still have it. I’ll probably share other sometime, cheers peeps!

Non-fiction: tell me.

2010-03-10T11:22:00.000-11:00

Hi everyone.
Sorry, I haven't been writing any poetry, well, I was busy with work, and, honestly I just couldn't write about what I have been feeling for the past 6-7 weeks.
I can now though.

Enjoy

I just bought myself a new phone,
It was 1AM, I was home alone.
I remember answering my first call,
And I knew, I had lost it all.

It’s just not real somehow,
What am I suppose to do now?
You should have told me that you had to go,
I would have followed, don’t you know?

All our dreams are shattered,
Sometimes I wonder if it really mattered.
Did it matter to god, did it matter to you?
Did it matter that my love is oh so true?

Tell me, who's going to talk to me every day?
And who’s going to take my pain away?
Tell me, who's going to take your place?
And who’s going to paint a smile on my face?

Can you speak to me, from heaven?
I stand outside, from 7 till 11.
I try sending messages to you,
But you don’t answer, none of the people in heaven do.

Tell me, will you visit me one last time?
Will you let me here your voice?
Will you let me go back with you?
Will you at least give me a choice?

Will you hold me in your arms?
And take my pain away.
Will you spend one more night with me?
And listen to everything I have to say?

Tell me…

If I prayed hard enough,
Would you come back today?

My Grandfather's opperation

2010-02-27T10:48:00.000-11:00

He went for the opp yesterday.
I prayed and prayed, from the bottom of my heart. it was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.
I had to pray to God and remove all my negative thoughts. I had to sit helpless, and pray, and pray. I didn't even go to the hospital.
But, he did it, and God did it, my grandfather came out of the opperation.
I'm telling you guys I could have wept with joy, but really I'm the eldest grandchild, I couldn't do that in case I made everybody cry!. and I sang prayer songs for him last night, how wonderful it was for me to do it, he kissed my hand, after that.

I can't remember being under so much pressure, last night I was so tired, and so hungry after not eating and sleeping, that I didn't know what to do, eat, or sleep. I ended up on the phone, dunno how.

I would like to thank my friends for praying with me, phoning me, giving me company and emailing me.
I would like t thank all of you, for your good wishes and prayers. Especially Ken, who after reading this blog e-mailed me and I realised how silly I was being when I said I'd rather die.
I honestly felt like it, it was this terrible, terrible, pain.

Anyway, thank you all for your good wishes and prayers, I do know that the opperation is over, of course. I don't know how successful it was, though my grandad told me he was feeling better today.

Thank you all again.

My grandfather

2010-02-25T09:16:00.000-11:00

everyone,
my grandfather is going for a very risky opperation tomorrow morning.
I am very very scared.
Many people have died in this
his doctor told him not to do it
no one recommends it,
but he wants to do it.

I am so scared.

Please, if you're reading this now, tonight, please, pray for him.

I don't want him to die
today when i sang for him and prayed for him i felt lik i was doing it for the last time
i got a bad feeling
maybe because of all those other people dying in that opp
I don't know
Please pray
If he dies, I will die, I will.

I just want him to be okay.
Why can't it be me instead.
I don't mind dying, and I don't mind feeling pain, either.
Because he plays a very important role in my life.

he's a strong man and he fought through so much, he can't just go for this, i know he wants to take the risk, maybe it will be successful, but its still high risk and I need him.

I'd rather die

For my Nana (grandfather)

2010-02-22T09:35:00.000-11:00

I’m very selfish.
Tonight when they rushed you to hospital.
I’ve never felt so bad,
So terrible so sad,
And I’m to selfish because I,
Really don’t want you to die.
And people say you should not suffer.
I believe that too.
But I don’t want to lose you,
Because that would hurt too,
I wish I could take away everything that you’re going through.
But I can’t.
And I don’t want you to die,
I want you to stay with me for longer,
But I don’t want you to suffer.

I love you, nana, but I
Am selfish because I don’t want you to die

Happy Valentines day.

2010-02-14T09:48:00.000-11:00

Happy Valentines Day.

V A L E N T I N E…

V is for ‘Valentine.

You are my only valentine,
And I am proud to call you mine.

A, is for ‘Always.

I want you to know, that I’ll always love you,
Not only for today, but for all our lives through.

L, is for ‘Light.

You are, and will always be the light of my life,
When ever it’s dark, you make everything bright.

E, is for ‘Everlasting.

You and I, have an everlasting love,
We were blessed with it from the lord above.

N, is for ‘Naughty.

Sometimes, I can be naughty too,
I have naughty ways of expressing my love for you.

T, is for ‘Thank you.

I want to thank you for everything you do,
But most importantly, thank you for being you.

I, is for ‘I love you.

I’ll never get tired of telling you,
How much I really do love you.

N, is for ‘Never.

I want you to know, that I’ll never make you cry,
I’ll never want to see a tear in your eye.

And, E is for ‘Everything.

I hope that by reading this poem you will see,
That you are everything in the world to me.

Happy Valentines Day.

A prayer request

2010-02-07T08:02:00.000-11:00

Hi, everyone. Sorry for not writing for so long, my grandfather (who you can read about in this blog) is very very sick.
He is critical in hospital. I am really worried. Please, everyone please keep him in your prayers. I'm begging all of you, I don't want to lose him. I love him very dearly and its really killing me that all I can do for him is pray.

I'd really appreciate all your prayers, and he would as well.

Please, please, he is battling to breathe as I write this.

A big hello and A Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T11:10:00.000-11:00

Hi everyone!
It’s been such a very long time! I know I am totally guilty for not updating this blog.
Anyway, there are a couple of reasons for that, which I will discuss now.
If you have been following this blog, you would know that my grandparents have always played a very important role in my life. Two of my grandparents have passed on, and I only have two on this earth. Earlier this year, my grandfather went in to hospital, and he has been in hospital for more than three months. When I’m really heart broken and emotionally sore, it is impossible to write a single thing. Fortunately, thanks to everyone’s prayers and God, my grandfather is back home and recovering. Let’s not forget my grandmother, who also hasn’t been well, but is still hanging in there. They make life so much more worth living.

The second thing was my studies. I have been trying to work so hard, and concentrating on one’s studies while a beloved family member is in hospital is not the easiest of things to do. Anyway, good news: I have got my degree! Its something I have achieved and I am very proud of it. I did it, for my four grandparents most of all. Both my grandparents who are in heaven guided me through the whole thing, and both my grandparents on earth have encouraged and supported me. It’s my dad who worries a whole lot about me, though.

Well, it’s just gone twelve! So I would like to wish everyone a merry Christmas! Everyone’s sleeping here so I’m off to put some presents under the Christmas tree! Thanks to everybody who has communicated with me via e-mail.

Speak to you guys soon!

Almost everything.

2009-12-23T05:31:00.000-11:00

They look at my picture and see,
A young woman who is happy and care free.
I have an education, I have a degree,
I have family and friends who adore me.

They look at my picture, and think I have it all,
They think my delight too much, and my problems to small.
The smile on my face speaks of happiness,
They say the life I live is one of bliss.

You can see the smile in my picture, but have you noticed my eyes?
If you look deep enough, there’s a sadness I can’t disguise.
That sadness is there, for no one to see,
And with out you here, it will always be apart of me.

I have everything in my life, but I don’t have love,
Almost every night, I wish on the stars above.
When ever we speak, a spark of hope appears,
But that hope is quickly washed away with my tears.

One day, I will surely find another guy,
Who may even promise me the moon, stars and the sky.
One day, I may find love again,
And when I take a picture, my eyes will hold no pain.

The proposal

2009-09-21T09:31:00.000-11:00

This poem is about a blind girl who gets proposed to. Its not fiction...I'm writing from experience.

I let the tears fall,
And they fall like rain.
I put my hand on his face,
And try to feel his pain.

He’s on his knees,
The ring in his hand.
I tremble and say please,
I try to make him understand.

I’m not what he needs,
Not now, not ever.
My eyes don’t work,
They have stopped working for ever.

I just sat there quietly,
With my hand still on his cheek.
He was silent for a while,
And then he started to speak.

‘You can’t feel my pain,
Or see it in my face.
Take your hands off my cheek,
And put your fingers in its place’.

I heard the pain in his voice,
So I took my hand off his cheek.
I touched his face with my fingers,
And then it was my turn to speak.

‘I can feel your unsmiling mouth,
And the tears in your eyes.
I don’t have to see it,
I don’t have to use my eyes’.

And it was then that I realized,
I may not be able to see.
But that didn’t stop me from being,
Everything I want to be.

So why should it stop me now?
I don’t need to see.
I am capable of doing anything,
I can be anything I want to be.

It never stopped me before,
From doing the things that I do.
So why should it stop me,
From saying yes to you?

I'm singing

2009-08-29T10:16:00.000-11:00

I’m singing…

I’m singing,
About my first day at school.
I’m singing,
About the time I wasn’t that cool.

I’m singing,
About the stars up in the sky.
I’m singing,
The song I wrote to a guy.

I’m singing,
About the way he combs his hair.
The way he’s always smiling,
He smiles with out a care.

I’m singing,
And he’s sitting in the crowd.
I’m letting him know how I feel,
I’m singing it out loud.

As my song comes to an end,
I hear the audience start to scream.
The song was amazing they say,
But they don’t really know what the words mean.

Only he understood the song,
He understood every word.
I finally sang about how I feel,
And he heard every word.

And as I step off the stage,
I see him in the crowd.
I now know that he loves me,
He’s screaming it out loud.

His words

2009-07-12T08:36:00.000-11:00

His words.

His words are like a gentle breeze caressing my skin,
His words make me feel so beautiful within
His words are so comforting and pure,
When ever I’m feeling down, his words are my cure.

Spoken so softly in my ear,
His words tell me exactly what I need to hear.
Speaking directly from his soul,
Those sweet words that make me whole.

I hear those words, every day and night,
He says them to me, even when we fight.
And when I’m sad and start to tear,
He always says the words I need to hear.

I know, it took me a while,
To meet the one who could make me smile.
And he does it with his words alone,
Hearing those words makes me feel I’m home.

A pouring of emotions

2009-07-02T10:29:00.000-11:00

On the 17th of June, my grandfather came home from the hospital. He was there for about six weeks. I remember the visits to the hospital, every day twice a day. I’m sure you all know the kind of visits I am talking about, where you watch your loved one lay helplessly on a single bed, with handle bars on either side. Finally, he came home, to his family. He came home to us.

Late last night, the phone rang at our home, and no one phones us that late. It was my cousin; my grandfather was having a heart attack, and being rushed back to that hospital. At that moment, a cold shiver ran down my spine, and all I could do was pray, pray and pray. It was about 5AM this morning, when I surrendered and slept for a while.

When I got up though, reality hit me, and I was back to praying. When I went to the hospital, he was so weak, and all I kept saying was “don’t leave me, don’t go anywhere.” And, the loss of my other two grandparents came back to me. Even now, I keep praying, knowing that my grandfather can’t live forever.

I wrote about my other grandfather’s death in 2007, what I didn’t want to talk about was how I couldn’t let go. When I got the news that my grandfather passed away, I was on campus getting ready to write a test. I told my father that I’m coming home to see if he was really gone, because I didn’t believe it. The body was held back so that I could come and see that my beloved grandfather was really gone. I still couldn’t believe it; I didn’t want anything or anyone to tell me otherwise.

Now I’m doing it again, I know my grandfather won’t leave me anytime soon, but I’m begging for a longer life for him, one that won’t come to an end. I want him with me because I’m selfish. I don’t want to let him go. I have already lost two pillars of strength; I don’t want to lose one more. I feel like the most selfish person in the universe, but I can’t help it. He has been there for me, all my life, just as all my other grandparents have.

That is the reason for not updating this blog, I can’t think straight anymore. My life is something I can’t explain. Sometimes, I am a confident girl who has more strength then ever, other times I’m the scared little girl singing prayers at her grandfather’s bedside, and other times, I’m an independent woman, walking proudly on campus with a white cane!. Sometimes, I feel as if I’m watching myself being me! It’s strange.

Aah well, just to write out my fears and pour all my emotions in to this document, writing does relieve me, though sometimes I just don’t want to let it all out. So, I’ll see you all soon when I need to “let it all out” so to speak! A humble request to you all too please pray for my grandfather.

God Bless.

Still

2009-06-09T21:32:00.000-11:00

Those forgotten feelings,
Seem to return.
The way you use to touch me,
And make my skin burn.

Those particular words,
You use to say to me.
I thought I’d forgotten,
Thought it was history.

But then I realized today,
I haven’t forgotten a thing.
You’re the only one,
Who can make my heart sing.

I tried to forget,
I really did try.
After all you broke my heart,
And you made me cry.

Yet I still remember,
Every single thing.
Every word every moment,
Every song you made me sing.

I remember it all,
And I think I know why.
I’m still in love with you,
It’s something I can’t deny.

We're not lucky to be blind

2009-05-21T08:11:00.000-11:00

My grandfather is in hospital, in an intensive care unit. He is on a ventilator; all those machines keeping him breathing… some people say I am lucky to be blind, lucky that I can’t see what’s going on.

But really…am I lucky? Maybe I am lucky because I can’t see what he looks like, with those pipes in his nose and mouth, with the ventilator and all the other cords. Maybe I am lucky because I can’t see the pain around me, the pain that my nani (grand mother) is going through. Maybe I am lucky.

Am I lucky to be blind? Am I really lucky? I may not be able to see what he looks like, but I can still hear the machines, the way he tries to breathe on his own, I could hear him, telling me how much pain he was in. I didn’t have to see it. I could hear the sorrow around me, the pain in my grandmother’s voice, her tears falling, the tension in the waiting room. I didn’t have to see anything to know what was going on. I didn’t need my sight to see the pain and the tears.

I am not lucky to be blind; I never got the chance to see my grandfather’s face, even if pain was written all over it. I never got to see my grandmother’s eyes, even if tears were falling from them. I am not lucky to be blind.

We’re not lucky to be blind. People tend to think that when there’s a bad sight like a very sick person, or a very bad accident they tell us “you are so lucky to be blind.” We are not. We may not have sight but don’t think for a single second that we have no clue of how bad things actually look. People are always telling me “you’re so lucky you can’t see how bad this world is.” Well let me say, that we can see it, hear it, and even feel it. So the next time you’re with a blind person in a bad situation, don’t say “you’re so lucky to be blind.” Because we probably can see everything, just as much as you.

Feeling helpless

2009-05-15T21:51:00.000-11:00

Feeling helpless.

My grandfather is in hospital, he has been for the past 10 days, and things are not looking good. He is the only grandfather I have left, and we are close. He is going for a very high risk operation in a few days, and I am just feeling helpless.
I know that there’s nothing I can do for him, aside from praying and being there for him. I just feel like it’s not enough. I feel helpless, I feel like there should be something I can do for him, but there isn’t. I feel like I could do more, take away his pain, trade places with him, yet I can’t.

I feel helpless; sitting beside him, sitting in that waiting room… just thinking about the situation makes me feel helpless. It’s frustrating, knowing that he’s going through this, knowing that there’s nothing I can do. I give him hope, I pray, I sit with him… but it’s just not enough. I still feel helpless.

Helloooooo!

2009-05-05T20:06:00.000-11:00

Hi everyone! Yes, I am still very much alive, it’s just that life has been throwing things at me lately and so I was not very inspired to write any poetry. This is just a little note to let you know how I have been, and what I have been doing.
Believing in one’s self is the best thing you could ever do. I’ve learnt recently that why should anyone believe in me if I don’t believe in myself? I’ve also realized that I should pay no attention to people who say things that are not going to help my self-confidence, because those people are obviously unhappy with themselves and therefore take it out on others.

I may be blind, but people label me as incapable as well. It’s strange how people tend to assume what I can and cannot do because I can’t see with my eyes. It’s even stranger when I think back over the years at the times I use to believe those people. What I’m trying to say is, whether you have a disability or not, there’s nothing you can’t do. Look at the person who lives a normal life even though she has no arms…if she can do it, what’s stopping the rest of us?

I think we all would be better off believing in our selves and putting no limit on our abilities. I also think that we should take no notice of things that people say to put us down so to speak. Once we start doing that, they will get so tired of it and start focusing on their own lives, or they will simply find someone else to bother.
Self-confidence is one of the most important things a person could have, and let me tell you that we all have it; we just need to allow it to bring out the best in us.
And trust me, it’s all so worth it.

I am so glad that I am a confident young woman who knows that the sky is the limit. I am so glad I am walking my own path in life. I am so glad that I know there’s no rush in getting to my destination, so I take time to stop and smell the flowers in my path. I am so glad I get to give to others, even if its just giving them a smile, it’s free, after all.
Anyway I hope you all get something from this, and even if you didn’t, it’s okay, because you still took the time to read this far.
Have a great day and remember…you are a unique and unmistakable creation…there’s no other like you so be the best you can be!

Poem for Lovendhra

2009-04-13T00:27:00.002-11:00

As you all know, my facebook group called

blindies rule
Is in action, and a poem was awarded to a member of the group.
So here it goes, as per his request.

When loneliness comes calling,
And you feel your heart falling,
Remember what they say,
Better days will come your way.

So don’t be sad, hold your tears now,
It will be okay, some way, some how.
The pain will only be there for a little longer,
Then you’ll be fine, and so much stronger.

It’s hard to walk through life alone,
Your heart feels like it has no home.
But remember one thing today,
Loneliness is not here to stay.

Loneliness and sorrow,
They are here today, gone tomorrow.
And when loneliness and sorrow fade away,
Happiness and joy will come for ever to stay.

So remember, things happen for the best,
And loneliness is just putting you to the test,
It will all be over so fast,
And happiness and joy will be yours at last.

Poem for Keshnee

2009-03-28T00:40:00.002-11:00

I created a group on facebook called "blindies rule!"
Please join the group, I would appreciate the support.

the blindies rule group

So, member number 50 of the group got a poem.
And here it is...
Congratulations to Keshnee Chetty!

In good times and bad,
When you’re happy and when you’re sad.
Your best friend is always there,
Giving you support and care.

When the future is not so bright,
And you and your lover have a fight.
Your best friend stays up with you on the phone,
To make sure you’re not alone.

When something great happens and you are filled with delight,
Your best friend will be there too, their smile shining bright.
Your best friend will share your happiness and your pain,
Your best friend is the only person who will splash puddles with you in the rain.

A best friend cannot be replaced,
And their love and affection cannot be traced.
A best friend is a blessing from above,
They are earth angels who are sent to shower us with love.

The Howard college strike: from peaceful to violent

2009-03-24T00:22:00.002-11:00

From Wednesday March 18th, there has been unrest at the Howard college campus (the University I study at).
Students have been striking and disrupting lectures for a number of reasons:
1. Students were not given the financial aid that was due to them, thus they were not able to register this semester, attend lectures, or have access to the campus libraries.
2. Students were not given the meal allowances and book allowances due to them. Thus students weren’t able to buy books, or food.
3. Students were not given residence or accommodation. This accommodation was promised to students, but not delivered. From the beginning of this year, students have been sharing rooms, or finding outside accommodation.
4. The disability unit at the university, is not been given sufficient funds, thus students (blindies) like me have to settle for getting our books late, and struggling to get through the semester.

From Thursday, March 19th, the strike started getting intense. Still, management had nothing to say on the matter. On Friday, March 20th, Management issued a university notice to all students, stating that they are unaware of the reasons for the strike.

Yesterday, as management refused even a compromise, the strike continued. It was a peaceful strike, according to students. This quickly turned from peaceful to violent, when the South African Police services (SAPS) were called in to monitor the situation. Unfortunately, things got a little out of hand.

With out warning, the saps started to fire rubber bullets at students, causing a panic in the air. Students ran for their lives, as the rubber bullets flew in the air, injuring a few students. Unfortunately, among these students were my fellow blindies. No warning was issued, the SAPS did not indicate that they were going to use rubber bullets, or pepper spray. As students ran in different directions, my fellow blindies had no choice but to run with them. Being pushed, and shoved in different directions, one of my blindies fell to the floor, people running right past him. He was then shot and injured by a rubber bullet. Perhaps it would be unfair for me to assume that the saps had no reason to fire, because I wasn’t there. Which is why, I joined the strike today.

Tuesday March 24th.

I made my way with my fellow learners to join the strike. We went to the main gate, where we sang songs of protest. I wanted to be apart of this, because I’m going to benefit from the outcome. Anyway, we marched from main gate to the student union building, where we continued with the peaceful strike.

Soon after the saps arrived, we carried on singing our songs. They just watched us for a while, singing, clapping, and socializing. Then it happened, screams of terror, pushing, shoving, and firing of bullets. A few people took me and started running, we ran and ran, the bullets chasing after us. It was a moment I’ll never forget, in fact, my fingers still bleed from writing this. We ran and ran, and my fellow blindies were running, trusting who ever is holding on to them. Unfortunately for me, I was being pushed by people who were also trying to make it to safety, and all I remember was hitting the ground. Despite my fall and the standstill of the crowd who were just staring at me lying there, the violence still continued. I had to be dragged up and had to continue running to safety.

A strong arm was all I felt, dragging me in to the building. I could hear more students running behind us, but I lost all my other blindies, they were nowhere to be seen. Knees and hands bleeding, I made my way to the LAN, in the hope of finding them, making sure they were safe. They were not there.

I can safely say today, that the SAPS had no reason to start firing.
It was a peaceful protest, we didn’t disrupt any lectures, we didn’t attack anyone physically, we didn’t even speak to the SAPS while they were there! Why, knowing that there is a number of disabled people present. Why fire with out warning?
We were only fighting for our rights, things that we are entitled to. That is: education, food, and housing. Why grant people bursaries and financial aid if you can’t keep up with it? Why give people residence when you know for a fact that there’s not enough place? Why say that you cater for disabled people and claim not to have the funds to support the disability unit?

You don’t know why? Nor do I. I’m not keeping quiet at this point, my studies depend on it, so do the studies of my fellow learners. Okay, maybe I’ll stay away from the violence…

This article was written to let you know how even disabled people are not taken in to consideration. It’s a cruel, cruel world out there. And it’s filled with rubber bullets. And even us blindies, are expected to dodge them.

Note to all my blindies: You can strike, but when the SAPS arrive, LEAVE. They are behaving like monkeys.

A letter

2009-03-22T10:52:00.000-11:00

I unfold the page with trembling hands,
I sit down, I just can’t stand.
I found a letter that he wrote,
I found it hidden in his coat.

The page is opened and I can now see,
That this letter is not addressed to me.
As my heart begins to break and bleed,
I look at the letter, and this is what I read:

My dearest love, I miss you so much,
I miss the smell of your hair and your loving touch.
I can’t wait to see you again,
I need you so much; I am in so much pain.

I remember when we met; it was a cold dark night,
And you came in to my life, bringing with you light.
The vows we took can never be broken,
We exchanged hearts, no words were spoken.

I hope we can meet again soon,
I write this, whilst sitting under the moon.
Tomorrow I’ll be at our special place,
Hoping to kiss that gorgeous face.

But for now my love I have to go,
I just want to say I love you so.
I want you to know you’re the one I miss,
And now, I seal this letter with a kiss.

I read the last word and fold up the page,
I am a lost woman, standing on life’s empty stage.
I thought he loved me, thought I knew him better,
I know the truth now, and all it took was a letter.

Why I love you so.

2009-03-17T09:29:00.001-11:00

Lost in his embrace,
His gentle words, his handsome face.
That Silky laugh that perfect smile,
The way he expresses his feelings with that style.

His soft nature, his golden heart,
His voice that tares my world apart.
His strong arms to hold me tight,
The warmth of him on a lonely night.

That is why I love him so deeply,
Not because of the letters he writes me.
Not because he buys me perfume,
But because I can always turn to him.

Not because of the chocolates and the flowers,
But because he comforts me for countless hours.
Not because of the dinner and wine,
But because he picks me up, time after time.

So now my love you finally know,
The reason why I love you so.

I miss you

2009-03-15T06:49:00.001-11:00

I miss you,
With every passing day.
In every possible way,
I miss you.

I miss you,
When I hear our song play.
And when I think of what you use to say,
I miss you.

I miss you,
And my heart begins to fall.
Hoping you would call,
I miss you.

I miss you,
Especially at night.
There’s no one to be my light,
I miss you.

I miss you,
As I write this poem.
Wishing I wasn’t alone,
I miss you.

This love

2009-03-01T11:08:00.000-11:00

Every moment we spend together,
Makes me look forward to forever.
When I am with you I see,
That you’re everything in the world to me.

Now I finally see,
That you’re all I’ll ever need.
Your love, the love that gives me wings,
You’re love, the love that your heart sings.

Yes, I’ve been held and I’ve been kissed,
But its nothing compared to this.
This love has what it takes,
This love, a love as deep as mountain lakes.

There’s no need for us to say much,
We can communicate with just one touch.
And with just a single touch I know,
That you will never let me go.

There’s no need for either of us to say,
‘I love you’ and this love is here to stay.

A four letter word

2009-02-26T21:28:00.000-11:00

A four letter word that causes pain,
It makes your tears fall like the pouring rain.
It attacks you from the inside,
With an army of jealousy stupidity and pride.

That four letter word that leaves you stranded,
It comes on its own, even when you don’t plan it.
It’s like a disease that spreads fast,
At first it brings pleasure, but that doesn’t ever last.

That four letter word, its so deceiving,
It gives you wings and makes you start believing.
And when you’re flying high and your heart is smiling,
It stabs you right there and you feel like dying.

That four letter word, what can I say,
It’s a poisoned word that is here to stay.
I don’t want to believe in that four letter word anymore,
I’m shutting it out and closing the door.

Kiss me and say

2009-02-24T11:46:00.001-11:00

So here I am,
Standing in the dark.
Waiting for your arrival,
Waiting here at our special park.

But all I hear are the night owls,
And the crickets sing their song.
I don’t hear your footsteps approaching,
And I wonder what I’ve done wrong.

I sit on our bench,
Where you use to hold my hand.
We would look up at the stars,
And forget we were on dry land.

We would kiss and you would say,
‘I love you more with each passing day’.
And we would always wish upon a star,
That we would be together, no matter where we are.

But tonight you are gone,
I am at our park all alone.
There’s no one here to kiss me and say,
‘I love you more with each passing day’.

I am beautiful.

2009-02-20T07:33:00.001-11:00

I am beautiful.

Some say I have beautiful eyes,
Some say they are small.
Some say my hair is to frizzy,
Some say I am not too tall.

Some say I’m pretty,
I have a dimple on my right cheek.
Some say I have pretty lashes,
That moves a lot when I speak.

Some say I am ugly,
They say I have no style.
Some say I am fat,
But they like it when I smile.

I don’t know what I look like,
I am blind, I can’t see.
People try to describe what I look like,
But it doesn’t make a difference to me.

People describe me so differently,
I don’t know who to believe.
Some may be honest,
But some may want to deceive.

The only picture I have of me,
The only picture I see,
Is the way I treat other people,
And the way I let them treat me.

Through my eyes I am beautiful,
Let me tell you why.
I have an appealing personality,
And I look my challenges straight in the eye.

I don’t know if I have pretty lashes,
I don’t know if I have a nice nose.
But I do know I have a beautiful heart,
And a mind that knows where it goes.

And in my eyes you are beautiful,
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
They will only appreciate your beauty,
When they look at you through my eyes.

This Valentines day

2009-02-13T22:38:00.000-11:00

I have something for you this Valentine’s Day,
It’s not a valentine card.
Its not red roses,
It’s not a bear with hearts.

It’s something you can’t buy anywhere,
It doesn’t cost a thing,
It’s not wrapped in ribbon,
It’s not tied with string.

It’s not available at cardies,
I know that’s where everybody goes.
It’s not something you can see,
I didn’t wrap it in pretty bows.

This Valentine’s Day you have my heart,
I wrapped it with all my love.
I sealed it with a kiss,
And every valentine’s day I will give you this.

Perfect moments.

2009-02-11T09:21:00.000-11:00

A perfect moment is,
When I get lost in your kiss.
A perfect moment in time,
Is when your heart beats in tune with mine.

A perfect moment comes along,
When you show me that we belong.
A perfect moment comes when,
You tell me you love me again.

A perfect moment passes by,
When you walk with me under a moonlight sky.
A perfect moment that feels so right,
Comes along when we’re together at night.

These moments we share every day,
They are perfect in every way.
And they come along all the time,
Because I’m yours and you are mine.

Hey, everyone!

2009-02-08T02:32:00.001-11:00

Hey, people! I know it’s been a while, but I am here to update you all on my current social life, since all the poetry I’ve been drafting is absolutely not worth posting, like really.

Hope you all had a great festive season, and thanks for the concerning emails wondering why I hardly post, very sweet. So I am in my final year of studies. I am pretty excited, not only about the hard work (yuck) but because it’s going to be a whole new adventure!

So let’s start with last week, being registration week, I had to go in to campus. To register. And I’m going toward the door to one of these buildings. Now obviously I’m walking with my cane, and my cane touches the door, signaling to me that there’s a door in front of me. Suddenly this dude grabs my arm! And he’s just not being gentle about it he squeezes until I can’t feel my blood flowing anymore and then he grabs me with both hands and literally drags me in to the building! (Note I am wearing very uncomfortable painful shoes).
So anyway I’m like “what’s this about, and what are you doing!”
And he’s like, “You were about to walk in to the door!” now you all know that I wasn’t about to walk in to the door because my cane was guiding me, but the poor darling was sweet enough to stop my blood flow for that time to prevent me. I think that’s just sweet, at least people are still helpful these days, sometimes to helpful but that’s another story for another post!
It was a funny experience…the first of many more to come this semester.
Yes, the advantage of being blind…you’re always getting attention!

Anyway, no doubt they will be much more poetry and for those of you in the Durban or Kwazulu Natal area I intend to go and feed the homes again, but the details are pretty fuzzy at the moment because I need someone to cook the food, and I need lots of hands to serve, so nothing is confirmed.
You know the rules, if you are interested, there’s a contact form on this blog somewhere.

Do you guys think I need to change my profile picture? I was thinking of something with me and my cane…lol

Anyway folks that’s all for now, just writing to tell you all that I’m still alive and kicking and my adventure begins tomorrow!. (Oh but I don’t know where or when or what my lectures are because the timetable was designed for human eyes only and no screen reader can compete with that. Disadvantage of being a blindy!)

Happy birthday Ajith

2009-01-28T11:13:00.000-11:00

On your birthday.

I won’t waste my time,
Writing in rime.
Because you’re distracting me,
And the poem I just wrote is now history.

So on the day before tomorrow,
I only wish you happiness, no more sorrow.
I wish you joy and laughter,
Not only for today, but for all the days after.

So on the day before tomorrow I just want to say,
May you have a very happy birthday.
Words from my heart is all I can write,
But I hope they made your day a little more bright.

perfectly imperfect...

2009-01-16T06:34:00.000-11:00

It has happened before,
But it hasn’t happened like this.
It wasn’t cupid shooting an arrow,
It wasn’t a magical kiss.

But all the signs are there.
I have butterflies inside.
I can’t believe how much I care.
I have love for you I can’t hide.

All it takes is a compliment from you,
To make the butterflies in my tummy swim.
All it takes is your presence,
To make my insides spin.

This feeling is impossible,
It grows deeper every day.
And just when I think it can’t get any stronger,
You come and take my breath away.

Ssshhhhh, I have a secret

2009-01-08T11:25:00.000-11:00

I have a secret…
I am falling in love with you.
Hopelessly, madly, deeply,
I can’t get enough of you.

I have a secret,
You give me butterflies.
They do flip-flops in my tummy,
But you can’t see it in my eyes.

I have a secret,
I’m going crazy over you.
It’s in every word you speak,
And every thing you do.

I have a secret,
I’m falling in love with you.
I have to keep it to myself,
It’s a secret I can’t share with you.

2008. The good, bad, and the ugly

2009-01-01T00:06:00.003-11:00

ATT FEEDBLITZ SUBSCRIBERS!.
THIS POAST CONTAINS ALOT OF LINKS, IF YOU WANT TO VIEW THESE, YOU WILL HAVE TO COME DIRECTLY TO THE BLOG. BECAUSE FEEDBLITZ IS STUPID.

Hello everyone!
I would like to wish you all a very happy new year.
May your lives be filled with love, joy, happiness and laughter. May 2009 bring you everything you desire and lots more.
I promised a re-cap of 2008 which was suppose to be done yesterday, but I was not feeling to well, so better late than never.

Lets start with the good.

1. My little sister turned five! It was one happy jolly time.
2. My Nani (grand mother) whom I love turned ummm, let me not say, but you can read about that post
this post
And
this post

4. My birthday! I finally turned twenty-one! Read about that post.
about my birthday!
5. I passed my exams first semester!
6. I wrote a whole lot of short stories and writing a stupid book.
7. I discovered.
the law of attraction/the secret
8. My Nana (grand father) turned sixty-nine! What a joy it is to have him around.
9. Pratica (the best friend.) turned twenty-one! Finally! We went out and it rocked!
10. I lived a single life! I did it! Yay!
11. I passed my exams second semester!
12. I met so many people in 2008, I am so thankful for them.

Now the bad.

1. I missed my Aaja (grand father) all year long. You can read about him
his death
his illness
a picture of him

2. My parents gave me a hard time in 2008, seriously. It was like a huge taste of hell. And let’s leave it in 2008.
3. Boys! Boys! Boys! They are stupid, and I always fell for the wrong ones. Until now.

Now the ugly…

1. Ex-boyfriends show up from nowhere and claim me as their future wife! No! no! No! That’s not on!

That’s it folks. Notice that the good outweighs the bad, always! Now all of you have a happy 2009 and make it everything you want it to be!

A post that may just change your life!

2008-12-29T01:07:00.000-11:00

Okay, so I don’t keep to promises. I’m sorry; it’s been a hectic weekend.
Something I got as an email from someone who reads this blog, Sebastian. He sent me these “12 laws of life.” And I wanted to put it here, so that people can learn from it, and 2009 can be a better year for all of us.
So here goes. Please note that it’s going to be a long read, so be prepared, or bookmark the page so you can come back to it later.

12 Laws of Life

These are non-negotiable and there are no escape clauses. No excuses are accepted. Ignore them at your own risk.I got this information over decades of living,
but many people never learn these rules at all. And so they live in "quiet desperation." You don't have to settle for that. If you consider these Facts
and test them against your experience (NOT your conditioning!), I predict you'll adopt them, and you'll be on your way to a life of freedom and accomplishment.

********************************

1. SELF-MANAGEMENT AND PEOPLE SKILLS ARE THE KEYS TO YOUR SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS.

This is a MAJOR fact of life. And it took me a long time to get this. If you want to be smarter than me you'll give this first principle serious consideration.
Your skill level in these two areas will determine the quality of your whole life. Every champion and high achiever knows this. These simple skills are
the clear difference between winners in life, and losers.

If you learn to manage yourself you can accomplish anything you can dream up. You can deal with negative experiences wisely and you can add skills as you
need them. You can become unstoppable. Self management puts you on the launching pad to all the success you desire.

Most people limit themselves by their unwillingness to consider personal change. They won't learn new things and they won't change their behaviors even
when they discover they've been wrong.

The funny thing is, self-change is EASY. You are the one person that you can get to anytime you want. You don't need permission or an appointment, and no
one can stop you from learning and changing whenever you decide to. The only obstacle is you! Self-management is actually the first step to building people
skills. Once you commit to changing yourself into who you can be, you will notice the people around you in a different way. Now you see them as fellow
beings with their own fears and drives. And they will see you with new respect and attractiveness. You are surrounded by people who can help or harm you,
based on how you treat them. Learning how people work is a skill, just like learning how you work. These people can multiply your efforts and supercharge
your success It takes leadership and persuasion skills - people skills. People skills are like a booster rocket propelling you to your dreams. And the
process of succeeding with others can be learned just like you learn to make toast. If you follow directions and practice, you can develop the skills that
will make you very happy and prosperous.

2. YOU ARE AT THE CENTER OF YOUR UNIVERSE. STAY THERE!

As a young sailor I learned the hard way that when I was in a foreign port I needed to take my corners wide and keep my hands out of my pockets. In other
words, I had to stay balanced, alert and ready to react to surprises. I've found that a lot of life's situations are like "foreign ports." They range from
the bedroom to the boardroom, and you will encounter them throughout your life.

Keep your balance. Stay centered. Expect surprises.

Being centered has two sides; inner and outer.

Begin within.

Inner centeredness comes first; look there for your best self. It is how you will find peace of mind. There is a place in you that's connected to something
beyond you. Spending time there will keep your mind clear and your spirit refreshed. That "doorway" is your center.

Until you're connected to your core you won't be very good at handling the rest of the world. Few people really get this. It is the single most important
and least understood fact of life Your center is easy to find. Every spiritual tradition in history teaches prayer and meditation - it's the most important
thing you can do for the quality of your life. Just take a little break a couple of times a day, and learn to be still and RELAX. If you give yourself
this little time each day you will become calmer, stronger and your physical and mental health will improve. You will begin to focus more on what you think
of yourself than what others may think of you.

For outer centeredness, you need to gain awareness of your personal boundaries. This is critical. Pay close attention to where you stop and others start.
Protect your personal prerogatives and respect those of others. Allowing others to invade your boundaries will destroy your personal freedom and subject
you to their tyranny.

If you cross the boundaries of others you become codependent with them, caring more about how they live their lives than how you live yours. You can care
about others without having to run their lives. Let them go and feel the relief, once you get used to living only your own life.

3. WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MOST IS WHAT YOU GET.

There is a Law of Attraction in human nature. What is in your mind is reflected "out there," in what you experience as your reality.

Afraid? Then all the goblins that you fear will be attracted to you. The only useful purpose of fear is to remind you to plan. Plan so that you protect
yourself from harm, but don't become timid. If you play it TOO safe you'll freeze in place and trade your life away for nothing.

Angry? Then you'll get a lot of angry people to tussle with. Your life will fill up with honking horns and people pushing you around, and you'll spend all
your time pushing back.

It's a good idea to choose your habitual thought patterns carefully. Love, optimism and gratitude are good choices. These states of mind inspire you to
explore, to create, to grow and to give. People and opportunities will become attracted to you. And the goblins and angry people will get smaller and less
important, and finally they'll fade and go away.

The point of choice comes up when you have to deal with a challenging situation. Do you call it a "bad break" - some S.O.B. was out to get you? Or was it
just something that happened, leaving it up to you to interpret in the most nourishing way? You might as well be positive. Bottom line - it works better.
It makes you easier to be around and more creative and good-natured. And your immune system will be strengthened.

Events are just events until our thoughts and reactions turn them into experience. What the experience means, how useful it might be, those are the choices
that we make -they're the stories we tell ourselves about our lives.

We're taught that it's not 'reasonable' to expect to win all the time. Nonsense! That kind of thinking numbs ambition and smothers greatness. Even worse
it leads to reasonable excuses. Excuses don't accomplish anything so do NOT be reasonable. Actually, achieving the impossible is quite normal - you've
done it thousands of times. EVERYTHING you do now was impossible for you before you did it the first time, from feeding yourself to balancing your checkbook.

Try this for a week. Focus on what you want instead of what you don't want. Practice the skills of optimism, gratitude, generosity and forgiveness and your
life will expand.

Yes, that's right. PRACTICE.

Good attitudes are skills that you develop through repetition, just like swimming or math. And skills become second nature through practice. You will become
stronger and more relaxed when you decide that you might as well thrive. Your commitment to expectancy is another skill, and it's decisive and magnetic.
It attracts luck and creates focus. People and opportunities will be drawn to you. Life starts to get easier. And more fun.

Go ahead and test it. What have you got to lose? The only way you can fail at anything is to quit trying!

4. YOU MAKE YOUR HABITS AND THEN YOUR HABITS MAKE YOU.

You've probably heard the saying, "As you sow, so shall you reap." It means that our lives are created by what we do, not by what we intend. It means that
we can harvest only what we plant. And every day you're planting something, so choose wisely.

The biggest and most important influences in your life are created by small daily acts. For example - Meditate, Study, Set Goals, Save Money, Exercise,
Floss, Smile, and Say Thank You.

When you do the right thing at the right time it makes more difference than if you make a big dramatic effort too late. Cramming may work in school, but
not in real life. The school term is over in a few months; life lasts longer. Days turn into years and those years become your life.

The most important qualities in life - Spirituality, Health, Relationships, Wealth, and Your Personal Character - are developed by regular acts done on
a daily basis. They're called "practices."

Daily practices - done on schedule. What? Just "can't do anything on a schedule?" Baloney. You can do anything you want on a schedule, unless you've never
gotten to a plane on time. It's a matter of priorities. And your priorities create your quality of life. Choose the practices of your life as if you were
a farmer. You can't skip spring planting if you want a fall harvest. Master this principle and you will live your life to its fullest. Changing your life
doesn't take a lot of work - just repeat a single positive act daily for three weeks and it will become a habit. Good. Now add another one. Then another
one. The force of good habits will automatically generate power and "good luck," and your life will blossom.

5. GUILT ENSLAVES YOU. RESPONSIBILITY LIBERATES YOU.

Here's a secret about "Original sin". It's guilt, and you get it from your parents.

Are you self-conscious? Most people are. They're worried that they're "unzipped." They're walking around thinking that people will notice their missing
button, their bad hairdo, their poor credit and personal shortcomings. These feelings are universal - we all got them while we were being taught how to
behave as infants ("No!" "Bad!" "Don't!").

When we become adults we are supposed to leave these feelings of inadequacy in childhood where they were needed.

The way to do this is to forgive your parents for their shortcomings, whether they were minor or major. And then forgive yourself for all your sins, real
and imagined. Forgiving doesn't mean that you think what happened was okay. It just means that you free yourself from the work of remembering it and getting
mad at people that are not even around anymore. Including the younger "you." You MUST do this if you want to be free.

6. "OBLIGATIONS" ARE A FRAUD.

Okay, take a deep breath here. This one gets a lot of people, because most of us have been brainwashed all of our lives to believe a huge lie. We've all
been taught that we "owe" other people all sorts of obligations, and that we should expect lots of things from them in return.

That idea, in one word, is bullshit.

We waste an incredible amount of time either doing things we don't want and don't have to do, or feeling guilty because we didn't do something we "should"
have done. We also waste a lot of time and emotion being disappointed when we don't get what we expect from others.

Freedom lies in the other direction.

The truth is, you don't owe anyone anything and they don't owe anything to you. This is all part of the "guilt" thing. It's good for us to give to others,
but ONLY when and how we choose.

The difference between free people who master their lives and those who are slaves is easy to spot.

Who sets their priorities?

Free people set their own priorities, while "slaves" allow them to be set by outsiders.

Your life belongs to you and you alone - and not anyone else. Want a formula for unhappiness? Make your welfare dependent upon someone else's choices.
Do you need "support" from those you love? Or approval from a parent or friend? Or permission from anybody to pursue your own path?

That's not living - that's slavery!

Don't look to anyone else for your success or happiness. That's your job and yours alone. You must tend to your own welfare. No one else will, nor should
they.

7. EXPECT LESS FROM OTHERS AND MORE FROM YOURSELF.

Most people expect way too much from others while they themselves actually get very little done. Inertia and distraction are insidious and damn near universal
- expect it in others but guard against it in your own behavior.

Everyone listens to his or her favorite mental radio station - W.I.I.F.M., which stands for, "What's In It For Me?" So don't take it personally when you're
overlooked, your call goes un-returned, and you go un-thanked.

Most of your fellow humans are so distracted and disorganized that they only get around to the most essential, familiar or urgent things in their lives.
They're on "autopilot" most of the time - aren't we all on occasion?

This self-interest is natural and healthy. Use this knowledge of other's desires in your plans and proposals.

Here's the big principle. If you want something to happen, take control and do it yourself. Don't get bitter if perhaps someone else didn't keep a commitment
to help you.

It is a waste of time to criticize others, and a bigger waste to pay attention to anyone's criticism of you. Just know that you can get better at doing
things on your own. It's a LOT easier than trying to get someone else to change.

8. NOBODY WAKES UP IN THE MORNING CHOOSING TO BE THE VILLAIN.

Everyone alive thinks that they're the "good guy." He or she is the hero in their version of the story. They have a reason for what they do - even if it's
impractical or unworkable or has evil consequences.

People who are troublesome aren't worth changing. Don't even waste time complaining about them.

If someone hurts you, it's not about you and you shouldn't act like it was. People do what they do because of their own inner reality. Learn what you can
do differently the next time, then forgive them and move on.

Really. Forgive them completely. And then, figure out how to manage, tolerate or avoid them in the future.

By the way, forgiving doesn't mean that you think whatever they did is okay. It's NOT okay. But here's the thing - if you don't forgive someone you can't
ever let it go. Then you have to go around with this burden of anger and sourness. Wasn't the original hurt enough for you? Why would you want to preserve
it and remember it? Or them?

Carrying grudges ties up brain cells that you could use to make life sweeter for yourself and those you love. So, after you forgive them, forgive yourself
for getting hurt - and then LET IT GO!

9. THERE IS NO "HAPPILY EVER AFTER" IN THE REAL WORLD.

Friends and mates may change or leave, luck comes and goes, and there are no guarantees. The only certainty is that someday your life will be over, and
only you can decide how it will be lived. If you want a happy ending you need to create it. Think about it. When would "Happily Ever After" start?

After you win the lottery? - Most lottery winners are broke within three years.

When the wedding bells ring? - Over half of all marriages fail.

When you retire? - 95% of those over 65 live from check to check.

Stories have to have happy endings, because the story ends before their characters do.

Real life is different. You're going to live until you die, so you need to have a plan for every day of it.

Choose your goals, write them down, and track them daily. Your life will happen by accident unless you have a plan for it. Either way things will happen
to you. On every day of your life, after every climax, every tragedy and every triumph, the sun will rise again.

You get a new day every morning of your life. And as long as you're alive you'll have to prepare for that next day and the one after that.

So respect reality.

Think as if you have a future, because that's where you're going to spend the rest of your life.

10. THERE IS A HELL, AND IT STARTS EARLY.

People create their own personal hell with moral shortcuts, regrets about lost opportunities, resentment, and guilt. Then they add jealousy and envy, and
they've paid the toll to enter Hell's suburbs.

What toll do they pay? They give up their peace of mind, and sometimes their self respect.

They trade it for short-term pleasure.

Those who avoid doing anything that requires effort - physical exercise or forgiving or doing something for someone else - grow more narrow and less flexible
day by day. Stunted ambition strangles their dreams and their enthusiasm dies. By the time they enter "downtown Hell" they've got a bad attitude about
most things in life. They complain and criticize because "life has let them down." The truth is life didn't let them down - they quit trying.

Pretty soon their immune system gets the message and then their physical afflictions begin - their relationships are desolate and life becomes an ordeal.
They start looking and acting older than they really are.

When these people look ahead, the future looks just like the past. Stretching on and on, day after unhappy day.

And that is truly Hell.

11. YOU CAN CREATE PARADISE ON EARTH. MANY PEOPLE DO.

You can make your life sweeter bit by bit. It doesn't take much, just some daily practice.

Spend some time in solitude each day renewing your peace of mind. Invest in good memories by managing your behavior so that you enjoy looking back on your
life.

You create your Heaven by small acts of generosity to others, making them smile and feel better.

You create it by little acts of courage - doing the right thing when no one but you will ever know you did it.

By making promises to yourself and keeping them, which builds your self-respect. You create it by telling the truth even if it's inconvenient or embarrassing.
It makes you careful about what you do, or what you commit to doing. And that brings credibility and trust. And most important, you will know you're liked
for who you are instead of for some lie you're living.

You're in Heaven's neighborhood when you notice the amazing number of things in life there are to be grateful for, especially as your gratitude becomes
a constant part of your being.

Humans are the most flexible beings on this planet, and you build Heaven by stretching sometimes to try something new or a little scary.

Your reward is learning that you are more than you thought.

And you can always stretch more.

As you become older your personal Heaven becomes a bigger influence on those around you. Your life will expand faster than your physical abilities contract.
You will laugh a lot more than most people, and enjoy more contentment and peace than you ever thought possible. And it just keeps getting better and better.
If you choose to follow this path, you'll be in Paradise long before you leave this life.

12. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE.

Everyone alive gets the same amount of time. 1440 minutes a day. 168 hours in each week. As long as you live. The only difference is in how you spend those
hours. You decide how to spend your time and you make that choice each minute.

You can begin to turn your life around in a second.

The only thing you need to do is decide to make it better. You can start to change immediately, beginning with a simple act and letting the acts pile up
on each other, creating the change almost effortlessly.

You know the scriptural quote, "By their deeds you shall know them?" It was talking about us. It doesn't really matter much what we think or what we intend,
until the thought is expressed as action.

The quality of our lives comes from what we actually do.

Experience comes in moments - and the moments will keep coming for you until they finally stop. Each moment is a gift, and the chance to make your life
different comes to you during each one of them.

Each of these "Facts" boils down to a single principle.

Decide

You can decide how your life will go during any moment you choose. This may be that moment.

It's okay to dream big. Where do you want to go from here? How do you want your next moments to be? It's up to you.

IN CLOSING

I'd like to leave you with a personal note.

Odds are I'm older than you and I'll confess something. I wasn't born knowing these Facts of Life. I got them one by one, over decades that would have gone
better if I had known all of these rules earlier. But the bottom line is I eventually got them, and with each new breakthrough every area of my life (health,
wealth, relationships and happiness) has gotten better and better.

The very few regrets I have are mostly not about the "sins" I may have committed. No, they are about the things I didn't do when the opportunity arose.
I invite you to avoid creating regrets in your future by embracing opportunities for growth as they appear.

This article may be one of those opportunities. And who knows? You could decide to use these rules as guidelines, and spend your life turning your dreams
into reality.

If you try it, I think you'll like it.

The long awaited return of Parishna

2008-12-26T08:44:00.000-11:00

Hi everyone. I know, it has been an extremely long time since I’ve updated you. Thank you everyone for the kind emails and Christmas wishes. Hope everyone had an amazing Christmas, because I did. So not much going on, it’s almost the end of the year, and as usual, I will be signing of with my take on the year 2008.
Major changes will occur in 2009, I am currently working on other blogs, but I can’t say too much at this stage.

I did not have much time to work on any poetry, I’m currently writing a story, (which started of as a joke, but soon turned in to a little novel). So I’m a bit busy with that. I also had to deal with quite a number of people during the holiday. People who irritated me, of course. Being blind does not mean I’m different, for that reason, a new blog will be created. It will be a blog dedicated to explaining that people with disabilities are indeed the same as everyone else. I will post a link here as soon as I can.

For now, I would just like to take the time out to say thank you to each and every one of you reading this. The next few days will have posts of the emails I’ve received, as well as some poetry if I can find the inspiration.

Take care everyone and happy holidays! And oh by the way, I passed my exams! Hooray!

Lonely but in my heart you are the only

2008-12-14T10:52:00.000-11:00

Lost in a world of my own,
I just want to be alone.
I don’t want to speak,
I don’t want to be weak.

Alone in my room I stay,
I stay locked up night and day.
I just don’t want you to know,
How much I love you so.

Alone in my bed I lye,
On my pillow I start to cry.
I just don’t want to let you see,
What loving you has done to me.

Lost in a world of my own,
I don’t want to be alone.
I just want for you to say,
That you need me for ever from today.

What they never told me

2008-12-05T10:12:00.001-11:00

They told me,
The joys that loving you would bring.
But they never told me,
How much my fingertips long to touch your skin.

They told me,
I would fly with out wings.
But they never told me,
About all the hurtful things.

They told me,
About the romantic charms.
But they never told me,
You wouldn’t want me in your arms.

They told me,
About the love and laughter.
But they never told me,
I would cry the day after.

They told me,
About how love is gentle and kind.
But they never told me,
About how love can change its mind.

When You...(for you.)

2008-11-24T11:40:00.001-11:00

When you hold me for countless hours,
I feel like I am losing my powers.
When you kiss me until I am breathless,
I feel like I am losing my senses.

When I see that eternal love in your eyes,
It always gives me butterflies.
When you run your fingers through my hair,
It makes me smile with out a care.

When you slip your fingers between mine,
It makes me want to freeze time.
When you hold me so close at night,
It makes me feel just right.

When you enter the room and our eyes meet,
It makes me feel so complete.
When you say that you love me time after time,
It makes my heart beat faster knowing that you’re mine.

Happy birthday!

2008-11-21T23:10:00.000-11:00

Happy moments and joy in the sun,
Lots of rain dances and rainbows and fun.
A smile that you will always keep on your face,
Lighting up even the darkest place.

No sorrow, just happiness and laughter,
I wish this for you, even in the year after.
Birthday cakes, surprises and chocolate delight,
I wish this for you, every day and night.

May everything that you want be yours,
And may you hold the keys to happiness doors.
All these things I wish for you today,
May you be blessed on your special birthday.

May everything I wished for come true,
Because no one deserves it more than you.
There’s only one more thing I want to say,
To you Rob, Happy birthday.

you gotta, give a little

2008-11-19T05:39:00.001-11:00

Post started on October 6th. 2008

You know, with it being almost the end of the year I’ve been so busy with work and play as well. I took a trip to an orphanage last month to feed some children and I wanted to tell you guys about it.

I’ve always wanted to do something for children who are less fortunate than me, but I either didn’t have the money to do it, or I just spent my money on unnecessary things. Well last month I quit spending money on things I don’t need and decided to do something else with the money.

On a bright Sunday morning, I got up bright and early and went to the shops with my dad, brother, sister, and two of my younger cousins. I bought a few things to take to feed 50 children. These children live in the Sheshiya homes. When we got there, I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. Nervous? Sad? Emotional?

I was suppose to write this post sooner, but you know, the emotions that were felt that day is inexplicable, and I haven’t come up with the perfect words to describe my feelings. It’s now the 19th of November, look at the date I started writing this post. It’s been over a month and the feelings I felt that day cannot be described, no matter how hard I try. So I’m going to say it, in my own way, with all the grammatical errors.

When we got there, we were welcomed by the wonderful people who have dedicated their lives to looking after those children. Upon entering the home, we were warned that what we were about to see was not for the sensitive. There were children… innocent children, lying in cradles. Some of them had no legs, or hands. Some of their body parts were twisted so badly, they couldn’t move.

Upon seeing us, some of them tried to speak, but they couldn’t. At this point, I had to swallow a big lump in my throat as we handed out sweets and chips to the children. And it went on like that; we went, room to room, trying to hold back our tears. Finally, we left, I was suddenly aware of the things I take for granted, my legs, my hands, my voice!

I gave the rest of the food to the lovely ladies who were there, before walking out of the gate. As we were driving home, I couldn’t think of a better way to have spent my money. It felt as if I bought a whole shopping centre.

The feeling of giving somebody something cannot be explained. And I’m not saying this to show of, no, I’m saying it because I want everybody to experience it. It doesn’t matter what you give, even if it means giving someone your time, that’s good enough. Sitting with them, visiting them, telling them that you care. When you give somebody something, you’re also giving them hope.

I was thinking, imagine if everyone who reads this post will go and do just a little bit for people in need. I know many of my subscribers are from different countries. Now can you imagine how it would be if we all try to make a difference in our own countries? It wouldn’t stop the crime, or war, or bombing, or anything. It would help make a difference, and it would give somebody out there hope. And the feeling you experience after that… it’s priceless. I promise.

Having said that, on Sunday is a very special day for me. Many of you know I am a Sai devotee. My family are not Sai devotees, so I’m going to be leaving the house on that day. I am going to the Sheshiya homes, with a huge massive birthday cake. If any of you are in the Kwa-zulu natal area and would like to come along, Please email me using the contact form on this blog, and I will be more than happy to give you details (and no jokers please I don’t have time for that crap). I’m not asking you to bring anything, you may if you want, I’m just asking for your time. So are the children. Not many people visit them.

Anyway, before I get emotional to the point that I can’t finish this post, I’ll keep you guys posted.

My foolish heart

2008-11-15T04:21:00.001-11:00

My heart within my chest,
What have you done?
I trained you to stay safe,
You shouldn’t be won.

You have defense walls,
Built around you.
I did it to protect you,
So that no one would find you.

I told you not to love,
It would just bring you pain.
I told you not to leave me,
You will just break again.

My heart within my chest,
You have deceived me.
You let another through your defense walls,
You are going to leave me.

You will learn how to love,
And things won’t be the same.
There’s a risk you might break,
Oh what a shame.

My defense walls will be broken,
And you’ll let someone in.
He’ll be gentle with you if you’re lucky,
And he’ll bring his heart with him.

Whatcha looking at? Huh?

2008-11-09T09:11:00.002-11:00

Okay, so let me jump right in to this note right now. I was at pavilion not so long ago, and man was I the centre of attention! How else can I put it? I think I could feel 1000000 sets of eyes on me! It was terrible.
I almost wanted to go and ask, “Hey, whatcha looking at? Haven’t you seen a blind person before?” damn people can be so rude. And they just stare at me, as if they got nothing better to look at, it would be a different case if they were staring in admiration, but no, these people stare at me in another way that can’t be explained in words. It’s as if I’m different from them, perhaps they think I’m some alien from another planet. Or maybe, just maybe they haven’t really seen a blind person before! “Oh my god! Look! It’s a blind girl, stare at her, stare at her! Who knows when we gonna see another one again!”

Oh, and then you get the people who talk about you as if you’re not there. “She’s blind, how does she do things for herself?”
Ummm….hello? I’m blind not deaf, I can hear you! Why don’t you go talk about me somewhere else or better yet, talk directly to me? Blind people don’t bite, and furthermore, our blindness is not contagious just in case that’s the reason you don’t want to get anywhere near me.
Another situation for you.
Picture this, you and I are going out to the shop, lets say woolworths (because that’s my favorite shop *chocolate mousse*), okay, so we’re in woolworths, and some intrigued person starts talking to you while I’m right there holding on to your arm, or your hand if you’re a handsome fella!.
So the conversation is as follows:
Other person: shame, she’s blind, ask her if she needs some help?
You: no she’s fine with me.
Other person: shame, I feel so sorry for her
*NOTE I’M STANDING RIGHT THERE STILL*
You: Okay.
Other person: was she born blind?
You: ask her if you want.
Other person: but she can’t see.
Me: *laughing* but I can hear, I can walk, feel, smell and talk. Isn’t that amazing!

I’ve lost count of how many times this conversation actually happened. People can be so rude. In my opinion what they do to me is considered an ultimate insult. Stop it people, stop it!

Anyway, another thing that’s annoying me is this new facebook nonsense. Groups have been created protesting the new system, and one of the things that have been brought up in the groups is the fact that facebook is still very inaccessible to the blind (blindies like me). Anyway, I’ve now concluded that mark Zuckerberg is a greedy selfish goat who only thinks of himself. Facebook are afraid! A group that has almost reached 3000000 members is being sabotaged. Facebook is kicking out members from these protest groups, they are just shoving this crap down our throats.
If you don’t believe me, here’s the link to the group. Go and see what it has become!
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=27233634858

Copy the link in to your browser and see for yourself.

PS: Mark Zuckerberg, if any of employees are sent to delete this note, be warned that it’s also on my personal blog, and if you delete my note, nothing stops me from reposting it until you get tired. If you deactivate my account, you will actually be doing me a favour, but don’t think that I won’t create another account just to expose you!
(AND THAT’S NOT A THREAT; TAKE IT AS A FRIENDLY WORNING!)

Good luck for the exams everyone!

I'm frustrated!

2008-11-04T09:40:00.001-11:00

Hey everyone, just a quick post before I head of to bed, as it’s been an eventful day.
Oh first lets talk about my week.
Well being blind sucks because you just never ever get your work on time, there’s always something missing.
So as many of you may be new to this blog, you’re probably wondering how I get my books and how I study etc.
Well my text books are scanned, edited and given to me in electronic format.
Unfortunately, going to the brilliant university I go to, they don’t pay the people who do these things; as a result, these people refuse to work, as a result of us, the students who need the work the most getting it late.
So I’m suppose to be on study leave, I am writing a very difficult subject on the 14th of November, how ever I had to get an extension on one assignment because I got my material late.
So I’m juggling studying for exams, trying to make summary notes and doing an assignment that was suppose to be handed in last Friday (thank god for understanding lecturers).But do you see what I mean? This is my time, the time I’m suppose to be using to study, but no, I’m still doing work that was suppose to have been done. Blind people could never be independent, never, absolutely not. Sorry to any blindies out there, no offense, but we always have to rely on sighted assistance, always.
Whether it be getting from place to place (transport wise), or getting information from an inaccessible internet site (such as the new facebook crap layout). Or in my case waiting patiently for text books to be scanned so that I can continue with my work and hand assignments in on time. You know what? It frustrates me!

I’m sorry if anyone in the disability unit is reading this, it’s not your fault guys, it’s the higher people at the university that do nothing to help us. Why? Because out of 48000 people, we are a minority. Sad but true, disabled people are the minority.
Totally blind students are yourl feeling my pain? Lol. But seriously, and I’m generalizing here, why accept disabled students if you cannot cater for them properly?
Can you blame me for being so angry? So many of my tests had to be postponed because, I had no material to study. Now I have to study for exams, but I cannot do that because I’ve got assignments to hand in. Unacceptable! But who am I to say that? It’s not the disability unit’s fault that their staff are not getting paid. At the end, students like me tend to suffer. Our percentages get lower because of the amount of work that we have to get through in so little time.

Anyway! Good luck with the exams everyone. Don’t forget to pray for me as usual!

Hold my hand

2008-11-02T08:04:00.000-11:00

It’s so easy for me,
To pretend everything’s fine.
And it’s so easy for me,
To do it time after time.
It’s so easy for me,
To do the things I do.
But it’s not easy for me,
To say that I love you.

Oh it’s not easy,
For me to kindly ask,
For you to stay with me,
And make this magic last.
And it’s not easy,
To make you understand.
That I need you here with me,
Won’t you come and hold my hand.

It’s so easy for me,
To act so very calm.
And it’s so easy for me,
To respond to your magic charm.
But it’s not easy for me,
To say I need you so.
And it’s not easy for me,
To let my feelings show.

Oh it’s not easy,
For me to kindly ask,
For you to stay with me,
And make this magic last.
And it’s not easy,
To make you understand.
That I need you here with me,
Won’t you come and hold my hand.

No emotion

2008-11-01T00:31:00.000-11:00

No more lies and no more games,
No more calling of stupid pet names.
I need to tell you the truth right now,
Don’t ask me why, and don’t ask me how.

I stopped loving you a long time ago,
I just thought you should know.
I just stuck around because it suited me well,
I suppose you were just blinded by my love spell.

Don’t you know, I’m not your kinda girl?
I don’t care if I’m your whole world.
I don’t care about you’re broken heart,
If I had a choice, I’d also tare your dreams apart.

Can you see my heart as cold as ice?
So now you see, it’s not very nice.
You can cry your eyes out, it doesn’t matter,
I won’t feel a thing even if I see your heart shatter.

So now I’ve said what I came to say,
And I’m a free woman today.

Happy Diwali everyone!

2008-10-28T02:40:00.002-11:00

I do not have time for a long post,
But to all those celebrating Diwali, may you be showered with everything you desire. not only on this Diwali but for ever.

To the rest of you, if you don't know what diwali is, go

here

(feedblitz subscribers have to come directly to the blog to view the link.)

Take care guys. will update some time this week.

Crazy or not?

2008-10-26T10:15:00.000-11:00

I think I’m crazy,
I am just not me.
Something happened out of the blue,
And it all started with you.

I am trying to make sense of it,
I am working it out bit by bit.
But there are so many questions on my mind,
And the answers are so hard to find.

Why do I feel the way I do,
Why can’t I imagine my life with out you?
Why can’t I think back to the past?
Why is my heart beating so fast?

Why is your name engraved in my soul?
How did you manage to fill up this empty hole?
How did you manage to knock me of my feet?
How did you manage to make me weak?

Why do I feel like you’re apart of me now,
Why do I feel you’ve always been apart of me somehow?
Is this love or is it me?
Tell me if I’m going crazy?

I have so many other questions to ask,
But to put them in words is a difficult task.
If you know the answer please do share,
I’d appreciate an answer from anybody out there.

Have you ever seen a pumpkin do the boogie?

2008-10-19T07:48:00.000-11:00

Hi everyone.
I was sitting in my room today, and thinking about the time when I was little. Life was so simple back then, it was as if the world was as sweet as pie, or as happy as smarties.
But unfortunately, as the years go by, my obstacles start getting bigger and bigger.
Last night, I slept (for about 10 seconds.) and after that I just couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night, so I started thinking of stuff to do. A particular song came to mind, a song I use to sing in school when I was like maybe ten or eleven.
Now that I think about it I can’t help but LOL.
Here goes:

Have you ever seen a pumpkin do the boogie?
Have you ever seen a goblin chase a bat?
Have you ever seen a spider with ten thousand legs to guide her and a hundred baby spiders on her back?

When the pumpkin starts to boogie you should listen
For the Halloween witch to start her flight
She will scare you she will dare you she will grab you up and tare you while the pumpkin does the boogie in the night!

That’s it folks (I will be releasing the CD soon). Yeah right not even if someone paid me! I will probably post some crazy songs later, because I aint squeezing out poems any more.

Take care guys, (and please pray that I sleep tonight for at least 40 seconds).

Disappearing

2008-10-18T05:57:00.000-11:00

The laughs and the good times,
The tears and the pain.
The mind games that we play,

Our cute loveless rimes,
The dances in the rain,
Will be left behind as I walk away.

The sweet songs,
And the charming good nights.
Will be gone,

I’ll walk alone,
In darkness, no light.
And it doesn’t feel wrong.

The smiles and the bliss,
Will be locked away.
In a secret place,

Like a forgotten Kiss,
On an ordinary day.
I will leave no trace.

Some people said...

2008-10-14T08:20:00.001-11:00

You know some people always said,
That I shouldn’t be so sad.
Better days will come my way,
I shouldn’t feel so bad.

Some people always said,
I will find what I’m looking for.
I shouldn’t give up just yet,
I will find love and so much more.

And I didn’t believe a word,
I thought it was too good to be true.
But I finally realise they were right,
When I finally found you.

I’ve been hurt before and so have you,
But some how we made it through.
And after a long wait,
We came together, it was not too late.

I finally know why I was hurt,
I finally realise what love is worth.
Now I can truly see,
That you were the missing part of me.

Its not about...

2008-10-05T05:46:00.003-11:00

And there are a few men who actually do this for their women!. I happend to know one, a friend of mine.
Rob

enjoy the poem...

Its not about...

It’s not about buying me flowers,
Or giving me everything in my wish list.
It’s about holding me for a few hours,
And giving me a million kisses.

It’s not about buying me rings,
Or buying me pretty things.
It’s about holding my hand,
And learning to understand.

It’s not about taking me to dinner,
To an expensive restaurant.
It’s about telling me that you love me,
And leaving me with no doubt.

It’s not about buying me clothes,
That look absolutely pretty.
It’s about writing me letters,
Or maybe even poetry.

It’s not about the material things,
They won’t impress me at all.
It’s about things you can’t buy with money,
Things so simple and small.

Facebook (FB)...the old or the new?

2008-09-28T09:24:00.002-11:00

Hi everyone!
I know, it’s been a long time, I have been well and very busy so I don’t get to update as much as I would like to.
Things have been very hectic with me lately, so forgive me for not updating as much as I should be.

I wanted to talk about three different things in one poast, but I’ve given it some thought and decided to make it three different posts.
So I will start with the first one. It’s about a social networking site, and a very popular site at that. Many of you would know it and be registered with it. Its facebook.

Facebook was created and launched in 2004 by Mark Zuckerberg, a Harvard drop out. Since then, the site has become a great success. With over 30 million users and growing!

Earlier in 2008 a new layout of facebook was created. It was said to be more organized, a lot cleaner and faster, and most importantly it was suppose to be a lot more user-friendly. Since the new layout, was launched and forced down every one’s throats, I’ve been extremely disappointed with facebook, as have 3000000 other facebook users.
There are many groups created on facebook itself that protest against this new layout, but it seems that since Zuckerberg has now made it as one of the youngest billionaire with a net rate of 1.5 billion, it seems he doesn’t take user feedback in to consideration.

Facebook has been a social utility that many people used to connect with friends and family. Blind users like me are no exception. Unfortunately, since the new layout. I haven’t even been able to navigate through the site properly. I’ve spoken to other blind users of the site and they are having the same problem.
It seems Mark dearest forgot all about us blindies when he and his “professional” team were designing the new layout. I don’t know a lot about internet, and web design, and java scripts, but I do know that there are a lot of tutorials on the internet on how to make websites more accessible to people who are visually impaired. Obviously, the professional design team at facebook either didn’t know that, or just completely ignored it.

I am absolutely livered at this new layout, it’s apparently meant to be simpler, and it seems that it just gets more complicated as users continue using it. I mean, if 3000000 people who have vision are struggling to use it, then imagine how it must be for us people who can’t see.

I guess we can protest as much as we want, but Mark sucker berg or what ever his name is doesn’t care. As long as he’s making his millions, the rest of us are nothing to him.
So now, I’ve gone back to my space.

Facebook would do a lot better if they gave people the option to choose between the old and the new layout. Since their not doing that, and they refuse to take user feedback in to consideration, I would hate to be Mark Z when a new social networking site comes out, because the hits on his site are going to drop, drop, and drop.

People are already deactivating their facebook accounts, and I am going to gladly do the same. It’s no point having something I can’t use!

That’s what I have to say on that subject, will try to post later this week about my trip to an orphanage which was the best experience of my life, but will share that in another post. Also, I have been diving in to some serious law of attraction stuff which I would like to share with you. Watch this space!

A real life experience

2008-09-21T09:00:00.001-11:00

It’s the 21st of September,
Exactly a year,
Since you told me goodbye.

It’s been exactly a year,
Since you said,
That you never loved me.

And you went out with me because it suited you well,
You said you would never date a blind girl,
I cried so much.

And I cried in front of your friends,
And cried till I went home,
And cried myself to sleep.

And my best friend,
She grabbed me,
I was sinking in my tears.

And she told me,
That I need to be strong,
And I prayed.

And I picked myself up,
And just as I was getting better,
My grand father died.

My world fell apart again,
And you came back,
And told me that you love me.

But I was strong enough,
To walk away from you,
And close that chapter in my life forever.

And now it’s exactly a year,
And I am sitting here,
Listening.

To our songs,
Memories come flooding back,
But I feel nothing.

No tears,
No sorrow,
I feel nothing for you anymore.

I don’t even hate you,
I hate what you did to me,
And I will always be reminded of it.

Last year I was crying,
And today I am smiling,
I picked up the pieces of my heart.

And I am ready,
To take a chance,
I am ready to love again.

I will love you...

2008-09-16T21:15:00.001-11:00

I know about your tears at night,
I know the emotions you have to fight.
I know you cover your eyes from the light,
But I know that every thing’s going to be alright.

I’ve been there too,
I was hurt just like you.
And I know how to make it better,
Just say that we can be together.

Let me pick up the pieces of your heart,
The heart that another woman tore apart.
If you give me your heart today,
I will love you in every way.

And you can be sure that I will never leave,
I am not a person who would deceive.
I will be at your side every day,
And you will know I am here to stay.

Are blind people "normal?"?

2008-09-08T01:30:00.000-11:00

So I gathered up my things to get to another lecture. I am walking from the memorial tower building to the Shepstone building. It is very noisy, and I’m walking, cane in right hand and my bag on my left shoulder just trying to get away from everybody and to my next lecture on time. And even though I am literally blind, I can still sense everybody looking at me, like I was born with a little tag on my forehead that read, “Blind and abnormal.”

The reason I say this, is because, I’ve often been asked “Wouldn’t you like to be normal?” I’ve often wondered, why people ask me that, it’s as if any person with a disability is automatically classified as abnormal. Now seriously, how normal is that? It’s as if my blindness has become the center of my existence, and no matter what I do, or how much I achieve, nothing will be able to override the fact that the two eyes in my head, aren’t working.

As I walk, I can tell by their voices, and comments that they think I can’t hear, people often take pity on me. They often wonder how I manage on my own in such a huge environment. They turn to each other, asking each other questions about me, about my blindness, as if I have a hearing problem. Why is it that, because I’m blind, people find me unapproachable? I hear so many questions being asked about blind people every day, as I walk by, people ask each other questions, and sometimes I just want to turn an answer them!.

It’s not about being ignorant, but if people never ask, then how will they learn? Oh how I would love to inform people, that just because someone has a disability, they shouldn’t be classified as faulty, broken, impaired, damaged or odd for that matter! Some people may not think of us that way, but the sad truth is, most people do, and you know why? Because most people are not told that disabled people, are just as able as any other human being.

Take me, for example. I am a twenty-one year old woman, who loves aeroplanes although I can’t drive or see them, brushes my hair myself, knows how to make a delicious Indian dish, can iron a shirt with out burning it, (okay, that’s not guaranteed). can talk intelligently about anything, loves the outdoors, eats with her hands, and even knows how to successfully engage in a French kiss!. I have the necessary qualifications to prove that I’m no empty headed chatterbox, and yet people still want to run a mile when they meet me! That’s why I’d like to inform people, that we’re just as normal as they are!

As I walk up the MTB lane to get to Shepstone, I am fighting the temptation to walk right up to the very intrigued guy who is now asking his friend how I manage to walk around by myself. Don’t get me wrong here, it’s not like people don’t ask me questions, I mean, I am asked questions all the time. Some are good, and some not so nice. Some people are actually nice enough to me to make funny jokes about my disability, which I love entertaining. Once, a friend of mine came up to me and said that he saw me and waved but I didn’t wave back! To which I laughed before responding “oh man, sorry, maybe I just didn’t *see* you there!” Now I love that, I love people who accept me for me, I love people who ask me questions, even though they think they are stupid questions. The point is, I just love people who treat me as an equal, because I am an equal.

And then, there are others, who know absolutely nothing about my disability, yet they judge me right away, and then I am not treated as an equal. I am simply seen as a girl with no vision, a girl who is not independent enough to take care of herself. A girl who should be pitied and constantly tip-toed around. Some people even feel the need to walk on eggshells while talking to me.

Aren’t we all cut from the same cloth? Can’t people realize that even blind people have red blood flowing through their veins? I really don’t think so, because if people could realize this, I wouldn’t have some people who keep asking me if I’d like to be normal, and then I wouldn’t be faced with people who want to run a mile when they meet me, as if blindness is a contagious disease that can somehow land in to their air supply!.

“How can I be classified as abnormal because I am blind, but those people who are terrified of confronting my blindness are considered normal? Why is it okay for the general public to just assume that I would be a bad girlfriend, wife, mother, employee or even a bad student just because they can’t see past my challenge?” I wish I could tell you why, but I honestly don’t know. It seems it’s just so much easier for people to judge, rather than to be brave enough to face the unknown!

And now as I enter the Shepstone building, I still feel so many pairs of eyes watching me, I hear so many voices whispering, asking questions I would so love to answer! If only they can approach me, if only society would just take some time to listen and enquire and educate themselves on how disabled people do things. If people do this, perhaps they would understand that we are indeed normal, and despite the challenges we as disabled people face, we’re still able to lead perfectly “normal” lives! So I have finally reached my lecture venue, and it will be another forty-five minutes before I step back out in to the open air where people look at me and ask the questions I so want to answer!.

Spring!

2008-08-31T23:21:00.000-11:00

Spring is the season,
That gives love a reason.
To fill hearts with joy,
And bring happiness to every girl and boy.

The flowers blossom,
The birds sing.
The atmosphere is exciting,
It only happens in spring.

The children come out to play,
The sun shines through out the day.
The wind blows and children fly their kites,
Others come out to ride their bikes.

Spring is a happy season,
That gives us all a reason.
To spread colour and joy,
And bring happiness to every girl and boy.

So to all my readers I just want to say,
Happy spring day to you today!

I experienced a miricle

2008-08-31T07:46:00.001-11:00

Hi everyone. I know, I haven’t written a personal post in a while, but I’ve been so busy.
I’m back at campus if I didn’t mention it before, and things are so hectic. The second semester is always shorter than the first, however, the work load isn’t any less, so I’m very busy. I am starting to get a bit lazy and it’s only the beginning of the semester, perhaps tomorrow being the first of September and spring day, I should start making a few changes and try to get a lot more work done.

Things are going okay with me on the personal front. I’m enjoying single life and concluded that I don’t want to date anytime soon. I don’t seem to have anybody special now and I’m really comfortable with that. I guess now is the time for me to enjoy my freedom, focus on my degree and enjoy time with my friends. Perhaps it’s also time for me to enjoy time with myself, maybe improve myself etc. I just wanted to share a little miracle with you guys.
Well, many of you may not know that I am a Sai devotee and I have been one for the last five years. I am the only Sai devotee in my family. Anyway, since I’m the only devotee in the family I pray and fast on certain days on my own. So a week ago I asked my father to buy me a small frame of
sai Baba
Anyway, my father went out looking for one and he found one, but it was so expensive, so he didn’t buy it for me. Two days ago I got home to find this really really huge frame of Sai on our table. It’s really big, it’s like my height. Two other Sai devotees’ came to where my father works and told him to give it to me. The picture in the frame was a particular picture that I always wanted; it’s amazing how they could have known that. When my father thanked them they said, “It’s the love that Sai devotee’s have for one another.”
When I got home I just couldn’t believe it, it was like Sai Baba walked in to my home. Of course he was always there, but for me to have such a lifelike frame, it’s just a miracle. I got what I never thought I’d have.

I called and thanked one of the devotee’s and I asked them how they knew about the frame I wanted? I mean I always asked my father for a small frame, but I got this huge frame with the picture I’ve always wanted. So anyway, when I asked him how he knew what I wanted, he said “Baba told me that that’s what we should do for you, we were merely instruments part of his plan.”

That was my miracle, and for the first time in ages, I wept. Tears of joy.

2008-08-26T20:26:00.001-11:00

I think of you at the beginning of each day,
I think of you when ever I pray.
I think of you when I hear your favorite song,
I think of you all night long.

There must be something in the air,
Something I can truly feel.
Is this love?
It feels so very real.

When I hear you speak,
My heart skips a beat.
When we spend time together,
I wish I could freeze time for ever.

Nobody knows what you do to me,
You make me laugh, you make me feel free.
You make me smile, you make me live,
You make me want to give all I can give.

This bond between you and me,
Is more than friendship could ever be.
Now I know its love that we feel,
This isn’t fiction, it’s the real deal.

Uneven sweets

2008-08-26T20:26:00.000-11:00

Its time...

2008-08-18T05:38:00.001-11:00

Why did you let me go?
Don’t you know I need you so?
Why did you let me walk away?
Couldn’t you just tell me to stay?

I didn’t want to go, but you showed me the door,
I was in tears, but you didn’t care anymore.
You took my heart, and broke it in two,
You put it on the ground and let it bleed for you.

And now, I’m all alone in the bitter cold,
There’s no hand for me to hold.
No lips for me to kiss,
No love for me to miss.

And I decide, its time for me to die,
I have nothing to live for since you told me goodbye.

RIP Shane. we miss you

2008-08-12T05:48:00.001-11:00

Shane
My class mate. Known him since the year 2000
He got murdered on Saturday.
I only found out late Sunday night.
Oh, gosh, how I don’t want to talk about the details.
It’s shocking, and sad, and I am very confused.
Sorry guys if you talk to me and I ignore you. And thanks to those who give me company to make me feel better.
The funeral is on Saturday. My best friend is going. I wish I could go, I am still recovering from my grand father’s funeral and that was 10 months ago. I wish I could supporter.

And as for that bastard who murdered Shane, I hope he…………. Aah whats the point. This is not going to bring Shane back. Is it?

Internet lies

2008-08-07T03:27:00.001-11:00

For all the times you made me laugh,
And all the times we’ve spent together.
For all the times we chatted through a wire,
And all the times I can still remember.

I’d like to say to you,
Thank you for everything you do.
And thanks for this tear in my eye,
Because now I know that all you do is lie.

It’s so hard to believe,
That a person like you could deceive.
Sure it’s easy to type out a lie,
And my dear you really did try.

Don’t you know I’m well known?
I have my own little cyber home.
Search for me on Google and you’ll find me there,
And someone did just that, someone who cares.

And she informed me about your little game,
Telling me about your GF, what’s her name?
Anyway, it doesn’t bother me now,
But how can you live with yourself, tell me how?

Playing me like some online game,
Telling me that you’re single, what a shame.
I feel sorry for her, if only she knew,
That she shouldn’t be with a man like you.

Hey man, you had my heart for a while,
You really made me smile.
But now you make me sick,
So sick I could hit you with a stick.

But now I know about your game,
And I can do just the same.
So be careful you little liar,
Cause now you’re playing with fire.

A love lost

2008-08-06T04:47:00.000-11:00

My heart is breaking,
My soul is aching.
I am hurting so much,
And All I long for is your loving touch.

But you decided to leave me now,
I don’t know why and I don’t know how.
I don’t know what I did or didn’t do,
All I know is that I’ve lost you.

And I am left to pick up the pieces of my heart,
The heart that you conveniently ripped apart.
The heart that kept your love so safe,
The heart that would beat in your embrace.

Every single morning I fall to the floor,
And pray that you would love me once more.
And every night I wish on a star,
For you to come back to me from where ever you are.

A fine line

2008-08-04T04:01:00.000-11:00

It’s incredible how friendships tend to grow,
In to something so much more.
We met; it was just an ordinary night,
And from a distance, I saw a bright light.

And now the friendship grew,
In to something between me and you.
We’re stubborn and our hearts would deny,
That there is indeed something between you and I.

Only you know my deepest fears,
And only you can dry my salty tears.
And you know, with you I have no reason to cry,
But my heart won’t reach out to you, and I don’t know why.

A magnetic force draws me close to you,
And you don’t say anything, but you feel it too.
My heart tells me so, it never lies,
I know where my future is, it’s in your eyes.

But why can’t I cross that fine line,
Between friendship and love, I’m so afraid this time.

Happy Birthday Aaja

2008-08-01T20:03:00.002-11:00

Many of you may remember me posting about my Aaja (grand father) last year.
I posted about his birthday in August last year, his sickness in September and finally his death in October.
Feel free to check the blog archive if you'd like to read those posts.
Today my grandfather would have turned 82, and I wrote a poem for him.

You would have celebrated a birthday with us today,
But the angels came and took you away.
Now you’re in heaven above,
And all I can send you is my everlasting love.

I wonder if you’ll have a party to celebrate your life,
With your two daughters there, and your wonderful wife.
I wish you were here, why did you have to die,
Every time I think of you I silently cry.

But today is your special day,
And from my heart I just want to say.
Happy birthday Aaja as I blow a kiss in the air,
Hope you receive my wishes from all the way up there.

The incomplete woman

2008-07-16T23:24:00.000-11:00

Standing at my window,
On an ordinary day.
The sun is shining,
The birds are flying away.

The trees are dancing,
Swaying from side to side.
And I’m just standing at my window,
Feeling empty inside.

For my heart is gone,
It’s found its way to your home.
My heart is gone,
And I am all alone.

My heart is yours,
And your heart should be mine.
I’ve waited but I got nothing,
Time after time.

And where once was my heart,
Is now an empty hole.
I am an incomplete woman,
With a lonely soul.

You can choose your friends, but not your family...

2008-07-08T07:41:00.001-11:00

You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family. If any Ramluckan’s are reading this, no offense, but that is exactly how I feel. For some people, a family consists of a group of people who love each other and support each other through everything. For others, family means money.

You know how you get an outcast in every family? One person who just doesn’t fit in, one person who just doesn’t click with the rest. I am that outcast, and I say that proudly. I’d rather be the outcast, than be like some people in my family seriously. I have reason to believe I was switched at birth. And knowing the hospitals during the 1980’s, that is actually quite possible. Anyway, getting back to family. Many people who know me, will know that I am plain and simple. I do not require foundation on my face every single day, I do not look at a man’s paycheck before deciding if he stays in my life or not, I do not need to dress up and make a fashion statement everywhere I go.
I am decent, and I ware what looks good on me, not what ever is the latest fashion craze at the moment. I don’t associate love and money in the same line of thought, or don’t use both those words in the same sentence. I don’t look for a man who will pamper me and give me royal treatment for the rest of my life. I am a whole individual who can provide for myself. Yet I am still the outcast.

I don’t mind being the outcast, as long as I know I’m heading in the right direction. Yet it would be nice to be given some recognition sometimes. But no matter what I do, it’s just never enough. You do more than your fair share for family, with out complaining, and what do they do? They don’t appreciate it. I carry on doing things for them, but what do I get? A whole lot of grief instead of a simple thank you.

It’s sad; you do so much for people, and expect them to at least appreciate what you do. I can do what ever I want; it’s just never good enough for them. I will always be the outcast, always. This gives me dreams of getting married. I want what every girl in storybooks get. An understanding man that suddenly comes in to her life at the time of need, a lovely wedding reception and a new family that would welcome her with open arms. But that only happens in storybooks, and this is real life. Being blind doesn’t make it any easier either, not every guy would go out with a blind girl, and I say this because it’s true.

I think I’m getting everybody depressed, and this isn’t suppose to be a depressing blog, but I have no one to talk to accept you. Sure I could call a friend, because my friends are everything to me, but I am to busy crying to do that. So here ends the complaining.

my university results are out

2008-07-03T12:12:00.002-11:00

The wait is over. The results are here.
The law of attraction combined with prayer and strength from friends does work.
When you use the law of attraction, if you’re going to focus on positive things some of the time…then the law of attraction will only work for you some of the time. Obviously.

Anyway, the exam results are out, and I’ve failed miserably. I am sorry readers, but from today I will no longer be blogging. I don’t think I can do it any more. I’ve disappointed everyone.

That’s the post I thought I’d be writing today, but no! I passed! Surprise, I’m not as stupid as I look! I passed my exams; I’m not in trouble with anyone at university. It’s all good. Now I’ve got this big fat chocolate in front of me, and you know what? I’m not going to bed with out finishing the whole thing! I’ve stressed to much and now its time to put on some more weight and unwind!

A special thanks goes out to the following people. Pratica, Rob, Ajay, Paresh, Deven, Uven, Mxolisi, Nandipha, Ummaira, my Aunty, My Nani (grand mother), Cindy, dean, rakesh. And who ever else put up with my stressing this semester. Everybody knows I stress like a mad woman!

Ta Ta my people, the chocolate is calling…I can hear it!

A dance

2008-06-30T21:06:00.001-11:00

Put on some music,
And ask me to dance.
We are strangers in the same room,
Why don’t we take a chance?

Loneliness is holding on to our hearts,
And I know you want to be free.
It’s simple; just take me in your arms,
And dance with me.

Hold me close and caress my hair,
And I’ll lay my head on your shoulder with out a care.
Forget about your lonely past,
You can look forward to the future at last.

Put your lips to mine and close your eyes,
Kiss me passionately and give me butterflies.
And I will return your kiss with passionate heat,
My kisses will surely knock you of your feet.

Even though we are strangers,
We can surely take a chance.
One dance could be the start of,
A life filled with love and romance.

Heart Breaker!

2008-06-12T03:57:00.000-11:00

I am the girl you want,
I am the girl you need.
I am the girl you desire,
And you want me indeed.

I am the girl who smiles,
The girl who has been through hell.
I am the girl you think you know,
But you really don’t know me well.

I am the heart breaker,
The girl who will break your dreams.
I will lead you in to temptation,
And leave you alone to scream.

I am the girl who will steel your heart,
And I will be the song you sing.
But one fine day I will get tired,
And leave you with out a thing.

I will seduce you with my words,
My body and my tone.
And when I’m done with you,
I will leave you miserable and alone.

I will tell you I love you,
And leave you with no doubt.
And when I find another victim,
I will surely kick you out.

I am the girl you want,
I am the girl you need.
But please be careful of me,
I am the heart breaker indeed.

About my birthday!

2008-06-10T08:21:00.001-11:00

Hi everybody! I’m twenty-one! How exciting (not!).
Anyway, I’m sorry its taken me so long to update, sadly human beings like me do tend to get a bit lazy, what can I say!. So my birthday turned out alright after all, I spent the first 6 hours of my birthday receiving phone calls and phone calls! So only got to sleep at 6AM Friday morning. To think I’d have a good sleep? My mother wakes me two hours later! I spent the rest of the day at home, receiving lots and lots of wishes from friends. I thought it was very important for me to pray at home for a while, and then it was off to see my grandparents, who were absolutely thrilled to see me!

After coming back home, it was time to get ready for the highlight of the evening, my party with a difference! I put on my new outfit and got ready to go to Krakatoa, a club at the sibaya casino. Well, we got there and every thing was absolutely fabulous. The music great, the boys handsome and the DJ’S. H O T! My birthday was announced by the DJ for the whole club to hear (sigh, I got through it) and then it was party party party from then on!
I danced, and danced, and danced for about 6 hours? The only thing that spoilt my night was the guys trying to dance with me. I mean it would have been ok if they were decent enough to dance with, but dancing with a drunk guy is no fun, so I had my three body guards chase every single one of them away! Hahahahahaahahaha thanks guys especially you Bhav! Other than that I had a FAB night, and by 5AM Saturday morning (when it was totally dark outside) I remarked that I was seeing bright lights (that’s what happens when you have too much to drink, kids don’t try it).

So I get home and manage to get some sleep (or so I thought!). I had to be up again because I was expecting family over for Saturday lunch. When I got out of bed, I could not walk, my legs were sore, and worse, I could not talk either! Apparently I had lost my voice, and I had guests coming over soon. So I manage to drag myself to get ready, and the lunch goes well! And guess who came for lunch? My Nani (grand mother) despite her aches and pains, she came, and I was overjoyed.

After lunch it was time to cut a birthday cake and I had to endure the “happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Parishna, happy birthday to you!
For she’s a jolly good lassie, for she’s a jolly good lassie, for she’s a jolly good lassieeeeeeeee. And so say all of us.
Hip Hip Hooray!”
That was torture! Torture I tell ya! Hahaha but it was good fun, you guys should have seen my face I was just shocked. And my parents presented me with my key to freedom, alas; I leave for the Bahamas tomorrow! (Yeah, right).

So all in all, I couldn’t have asked for a better twenty-first, and I am blogging this because perhaps when I am 101 years old and can’t remember this, my great great grand child will read it to me.

Thank you to each and every one of you for the wonderful birthday wishes, surprises and gifts. It means a lot to me! Here are some flying kisses to each and every one of you!
Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah, and a special one for my family: mwaaaaaaaaaah.

Happy birthday!

2008-06-05T12:01:00.000-11:00

Its official! It is June sixth and I turned twenty-one today! This is very cool, lots of friends and family already wished me, and I’ve got presents too.
I’m not doing anything for the day, but of course will go out at night.
Thank you everybody for the well wishes, and to Rob, thank you for that beautiful poem, I absolutely love it. Will post later today, right now I just want to sleep!

My last post

2008-06-04T21:31:00.001-11:00

My last post as a 20 year old lady.

Tomorrow (Friday, 6th of June) I’m going to be turning 21, and the thought of it scares me to death!. I don’t know whether I’m excited, frightend or nervous. At midnight tonight I don’t even know if I’m going to cry or what. Is this a normal feeling? Highly unlikely!.
Anyway, this is my last day of posting as a 20 year old, for tomorrow if I do post I’ll be 21!.

I know there’s going to be something happening for my birthday tomorrow, but don’t have much details. I do know that my 21st key is gold with a stand and its quite pretty!.
Other than that I got nothing more to say, I’m going out for lunch. A few people want to treat me and take me shopping before the big day, so who am I to disappoint them? And my Nani (grandmother) and Nana (grandfather) are looking forward to having a 21 year old grand daughter, and that makes me feel like a million bux!

I'm falling in love!

2008-05-31T09:02:00.001-11:00

I’m falling in love with you every single day,
And I’m falling in love with you in every single way.
You’re the song that my soul sings,
You’re the joy that my life brings.

And I wake up in your arms as the sun begins to shine,
I smile at you and know that you’re mine.
And you take me for our picnic in the park,
And we stay there until its dark.

And under the Milky Way you sing me a song,
You hold my hand and I know your love is strong.
And when we kiss I know you were worth the wait,
You found me before it was too late.

And my heart has been broken by so many people so many times,
But it was all worth it now that you’re mine.
And I promise you that from today,
I will be yours for ever to stay.

Our love for each other is pure and true,
Nothing or no one can come between me and you.
I’m going to make you the happiest man ever,
I’ve got your engagement ring on my finger; we’re always going to be together.

The law of attraction!

2008-05-28T22:43:00.002-11:00

So where have I been, and what have I been doing? I can answer that, I’ve been studying for exams.
I’ve been stressing out, and studying so hard even you wouldn’t believe me if I start to tell you how hard I’ve been studying because of the simple belief that I’m going to fail the exams!.

Well, I’m sorry, but no more! No more will I stress about it, and no more will I have these negative thoughts, and you want to know why? Because if I think I’m going to fail, I will fail! I know it! It’s something called the law of attraction. Some of you may heard of it, some of you may practice it, and some of you, like me, are just getting acquainted with it.
Let me explain. It’s a simple belief that what ever you like, likes you. If you have negative thoughts and think negatively about your life, then yes, you’re attracting more of the negativity your way! Instead of doing that, try focusing your energy on thinking positively. Instead of saying to yourself “I think I can do this” say “I can do this!” and don’t just say it, believe it!.

I might not be making any sense at this point, and some of my readers might think I’m going nuts! But be that as it may, I’m going to tell you what I’ve been doing, and how it’s been helping me.
First, I kept saying to myself that I’m going to fail the exams, and this was doing absolutely nothing for me. So after getting help from a few friends and readings online, I decided to replace that negativity with some positive thinking! I then made it clear to myself that I want to pass the exams! I started pushing each negative thought away by replacing it with a positive thought. I know what I want now, and what the hell have I got to lose? I start thinking so positively as if I’ve already passed the exam even though I haven’t written it yet!

It sounds complicated but it helps a whole lot! All you have to do, is:
1. Tell yourself what you really want, make it crystal clear!
2. Allow positive thoughts of what you really want to overwhelm you, if a negative thought comes to mind, replace it with a positive one! Get rid of all negative thoughts. Focus on what you want, because, “what you want wants you”.
3. Allow what you want to happen! It might not happen immediately, but if you’re positive about it, if you have absolutely no negativity and no doubt, you’ll get it!

Remember: the law of attraction is neutral, if you think something negative is going to happen, the law of attraction says “so be it!” and something negative will happen.
So keep positive thoughts, and remove all negativity and doubts! It really does help!